learning and growing

At this moment in my life,i just feel the need of being someone i am not.The very close people in my life will agree when i say i am not always very pleasant to talk with especially when something bothers me,because these are times when i get angry on every small thing on earth and blame everyone for everything.My head is bursting.I am basically not doing what i should do,because i don't feel like doing it.There is a calling need from inside me that demands a calm me now.The anger fails to restrict itself.I am so disturbed.I don't want this new year to approach.I don't feel like doing anything about it.I am tired of meeting people all the time.I just feel the need of saying it all that i no more want to become social with animals and morons.I am frustrated and i guess i have reached that point in my life where i really need to see some changes taking place.And i guarantee,if i meet someone again in this short holiday who either asks or reminds me about the boring syllabus s...

If Sherlock Holmes was a gay?If one Googles one will get plenty of material on this topic.So basically google says that Sherlock was not gay.He was asexual,a genius,'married to my work', is what Sherlock himself says to Watson.But was it?No i am not going on by the Benedict and Freeman spirit.Because if we really think about it,then there are chances that maybe Sherlock was after all one.Sherlock is basically a product of the Victorian period,when these things were not kindly looked upon at all.It can be that Sherlock knew he had to hide it for which the best alternative would be to immerse himself completely in his work and then behave indifferently towards emotions.People say because Sherlock was a workaholic,the absence of work bored him so much that he rushed to consume morphine or cocaine.This can be otherwise.When he had nothing to do,he was reminded of his original identity which he could substantiate only through drugs.His liking for Irene Adler was because he got to se...

So finally i am living one of those rare occasions where i am writing my blog with a cup of coffee,in my room and with absolute silence.It is almost like a dream come true for me because a combination of all these do not usually come to greet me.On Christmas i went to our school church and my post will be about this-almost.So my friends and i walked towards our school church crossing our school gates on our way.I was not the only x-student but the teachers who saw us just recognized me.I met juniors who were shy enough to encounter their 'kamalika di',for i heard them call me,some girls,juniors again smiled and the most touching part was that even the school guards recognized me.This is when you truly feel special- that even after three years they remember you,they smile when they see you,they talk with you and sometimes they don't but they always recognize you.Now the annoying part.There are people who think that every slight action on the part of another person is meant ...

Hey you!out there in the cold Getting lonely,getting old,can you feel me? Hey you,standing in the aisles With itchy feet and fading smiles, Can you feel me? Hey you!don't help them bury the light Don't give in without a flight... A companion to all miserable hearts,the agony is not just of loneliness but a conscious awareness of a failed attempt to walk towards 'United we stand,divided we fall'.This unity talked about is of the community that exists,thrives just because they have to.Perhaps the togetherness of all such people will help in feeling less burdened at heart,but the definition just does not get a shape in real circumstances.It talks about identity crisis of a man,nation,of a human race that struggles to stay adamant on the grounds,sometimes it may lead to one trying to commit suicide but this song is just a call for all such sufferers to hold back and connect with people suffering the same way. But it was only a fantasy/ The wall was too high as you can see/ ...

It has been three years now,when i last entered my school.My leaving class ten was more painful that leaving class twelve.That day,my classmate and i were having coffee and we decided to take a walk towards our hall.We both paused at the door of the hall.A farewell was being given to the students of Gokhale school.The school and the college shares the same hall.I can't say if i had the feeling of nostalgia because i had never attended a farewell in my life till now.In class ten it was my cousin sister's marriage that fell on the day of our farewell and in class twelve our whole class was suspended and so there was no farewell.Deep down i probably will yearn for a farewell but the days are gone and will never come back.I am hoping for one in my final year of graduation but the farewell of a college and a school are completely different concepts.School was a learning ground,college is a place for gaining practical experiences.Within the next three months,another phase of my life ...

There are times when some songs go on repeating themselves inside ones' head and one feels like humming them all the time.At present the song ZOMBIE by the band THE CRANBERRIES,is that song in my life.If one is interested,one can just look up at the lyrics on Google.It is basically a protest song written in memory of the Warrington bombing and an attempt on part of Ireland to free themselves.It became the number one song in places like Germany and Belgium and succeeded to stay at that position till the end of the year 1994,the year in which the song was released after the band finished their tour of 1993.According to some sources,it was shocking and surprising for a band to refer to something like the Easter rising of 1916 in their performance before the audience,who were not even born during that time.The Eastern rising was the war of Ireland for independence,against the British when the United Kingdom was busy fighting the first World War.This song just echoes the eternal struggl...

The last two weeks has been really hectic but not annoying.The visit of the NAAC peer team in our college made people and things way too busy.But why i say it was not that unpleasant because these are the times,when our department gets active in doing and creating things and that calls for a lot of reading,imagination,hard work and practise,if one decides to participate actively.These are the times when we individually and collectively as a team,make memories,good and bad both.Both the second and third year was well spend in doing things for the department-a small contribution towards one's own process of socialization.In the first year,it was just two seminars that i could participate in and i regret that i could not attend the exhibition but the last year and this year has been so active,introducing me to new minds and obviously people i who share the same mindset up or are far more superior.Made some good friends as well.Sometimes i just think of a curriculum. Or a schedule spen...

What will you do when you come to know that some person you admire has dark secrets?Secrets which are nasty enough to be unacceptable and what if that person is someone whom you not only admire but also idolize.Will you still idolize that person?Will you begin to hate that person or still love him or her,accepting the shortcomings?Do you respect someone who has the ability of being a genius and at the same time can physically as well as mentally abuse people and family.A complete drug addict,who follows and works on the dictum 'do as i say and not do as i do' can hardly be given respect.A pretension of being a confirmist when one is just as confused and paradoxical regarding almost everything and yet thrusts oneself as a social commentator and preaches people things s/he can't themselves practise.Is it because they know that they are not what people believe them to be yet they try desperately to be precisely what people expect them to be,that they fail in that attempt becau...

Things that are going inside my head now-'THE CATCHER IN THE RYE','MARK CHAPMAN','I JUST SHOT JOHN LENNON','CHAPTER 27','SEASON OF GLASS','ALL MY LOVING','IMAGINE','BEATLES IS MORE POPULAR THAN CHRIST',-the sequence is abrupt and hence in the proper sequential pattern,it is in my mind you see.I am obsessed with this man,obsessed with Lennon.How can things be so dramatic in real life?A man who claimed himself to be an atheist yet was able to compose the very much non atheist song that won him popularity and perhaps brought him closer to his funeral.If Lennon was just spiritual how was he able to make himself a part of the famous song by Beatles-'LET IT BE' and then randomly come up with comments such as 'i have got nothing to do with Beatles'.If peace was what he was standing for,from where did he get the idea?When asked by his teacher to make an assignment on what he wanted to become in his life,Lennon repl...

This is my second post today and what prompts me to write this is a recent post that i just read,written by a teacher I admired.It has got nothing to do with his post content,but suddenly i realized that this year,one of my friends(better said as friend turned stranger),and this teacher i am talking about went through dome serious health problems to which i was completely aware but did not ask any of them about it.Obviously i have perhaps turned a noone in their lives for this very reason and honestly i have no complaints against that but only if they could just take a moment and think of what wrongs they did that caused my not so desirable behaviour.I am not being sentimental,though i may sound like one.I have already past that age where trusting people can effect the normal schedule,and the innumerable people i talk about in my writings,people who annoy me to the brink are those people who just play a role in making me an experienced human.I know now whom to be with and whom to avoid...

Many readers complain me for being too harsh rather cynical in my approach towards life as reflected in my writings.So if speaking about reality makes me cynical,i am fine with it and as far as my being harsh is concerned,i would just pose an example and let others judge the rest.Recently i have been told by someone,that my present college is good for studious students like me and the most 'reputed' university in Kolkata is not for students like me.Pause.What???The most reputed university(university being primarily made for studies and i am not avoiding the co curricular activities) is not going to admit students like me,because the university is more popular among the youth for the so called signs of modernism like having sex with multiple people and the chain of limitless smoking.The one telling me this is not only a dolt mind you,but is way too careless in choosing her words,i must say.My sincere advice to you will be exercise your thoughts because you can't get into thi...

The pain in her eyes made words flow... Exhaustion in her became a remedy. Actualization of her hopes was a dream distant- She believed in what had failed her. She smiled to her pangs of pain, She smiled to erase what happened to her everyday, Yet she believed good to come on her way... She believed in what had failed her. ...

Bomb blasts take away more than just lives.It takes away the thoughts running inside the mind of the victims,it takes away the feelings of those running hearts,it takes away mysteries which could have been solved,it takes away the talents which could have been brought up,it takes away events that could have materialized in the future,it takes away the smile from a thousand faces,it takes away the expectations from a billion hearts,it steals away the daily routine of the common folk,it steals away the incomplete purposes,it steals away the faith in God,it steals away the life of the others still surviving,it steals away the goodness from the society,it steals away the fragments of hopes,it takes away the good and bad,But leaves the human civilization with a deep mark-a scar. Dedicated to the Paris blast.May souls rest in peace.

Times when you restrain from what your mind wants to do-i say it is not easy but then too much fantasizing about the unreal and 'can never happen' things,leads to suffering.You know what you want but can never get and this includes both the animate and the inanimate.Take time to sort out,that can help because getting smarter is more than just a movie and i say learning is not easy,growing up is more difficult and now i know why they call it a challenge.I do not want to be too specific regarding things that have started bothering me but the studying of my subject often acts as a remedy.Human psyche is just more than complexities and trust me on this.Yes there are many more things that are as troublesome and more complicated than complex things themselves.Thinking has become challenging for me now a days for it labours me towards exhaustion,not just the physical or mental but an undefined confinement of my inertia.Can i be at all sure about what i am aiming at?Will the material g...

The light of the candle is still,a small entity by itself.Darkness prevails everywhere except for the place,where the lighted candle is. Candle-I will die and fade.You will be left alone again.What will you do then? Darkness-Will wait for the next candle. Candle-You are confined,yet immortal,and you get candles,many candles to talk with. Darkness-Candles like you just remind me of my cursed eternity but also helps me do away with my lonliness for sometime. Candle-But i envy you.You have a forever life and we melt and vanish so quickly. Darkness-A forever life,where even if I smile none can see me.Its always so dark.Nobody wants.They need you in my presence and that in a way,brings me joy. Candle-Do you mean we candles complete you? Darkness-Light completes me.It kills me. Candle-I don't understand.How is that even possible? Darkness-How do you feel when you are replaced by another candle? Candle-I know i am subjected to such a kind of life which i fear but cannot deny. Darkness-Yo...

Today is Maha soshti,and my till now work list was quite heavy. 1)I woke up at eight and i painted a portion of our house.I was pretty excited and thought it to be a child's game untill i realized how wrong i was.My mother went on scolding me because under the terrific heat i laboured it all and she was afraid of a very silly reason-me getting tanned.Anyway. 2)It was time for my breakfast and i saw a dog,hungrier than i was.How do i know that?Well the dog seemed almost like a skeleton to me.My breakfast went inside the dog's tummy and i somehow did not feel hungry anymore.Strange yet true. 3)I had to go to a near by place to get my blouse,just a five minute walking distance from my house but then it took me one hour to get that blouse and return because of the number of people i encountered and the work here was,i had to talk more than i was expected to.Sometimes i just wish i was blessed with the ability to say NO to people,but i fear if that in turn leads to hurting someone. ...

Masquerade of a submissive saturation, Scaffolds the criminal inside the sculpted shell- Tariff paid even by the zonked secret warehouse; Unlocks the unguarded closer to heaven- Sozzled eyes,Spacious truths The almost unaltered prehistoric moulds, Grips and grabs something deep inside the bisected binded bottom. The stranger place,the conceited trial, Always leaves me forlorn. A voice deep inside- I want to escape,Can i?

Some people will understand what i am trying to do here and for the other readers,let me just inform them that this post is a kind of amalgamation of two things I am lately obsessed with(Look Back In Anger,the revolutionary drama by John Osborne and Love the way you lie,the song by Rihanna),where i will just show of how the song echoes the play and vice-versa.The inspiration comes from people who makes me think and so here it goes Alison-Everything about him seemed to burn,his face,the edges of his hair glistened and seemed to spring off his head,and his eyes were so blue and full of the sun.He looked so young and frail,inspite of the tired line of his mouth. Jimmy-Do you remember the first night i saw you at that grisly party?You didn't really notice me,but i was watching you all the evening.You seemed to have a wonderful relaxation of spirit. . ... Alison-I don't think i want anything more to do with love.Any more.I can't take it on...I'm pregnant...

Guess there will never be an end to things that upset me.I have shifted to my aunt's house and in this colony,there is a person who has reached the last stage of Cancer,and people are spreading rumours about he being a HIV-AIDS victim and people are even refusing to get close to his house,because they think that might be affected by it and even they can get the disease.There is a saying in Bengali,'Olpo Vidhya Bhoyonkari'(Little knowledge is dangerous).I am just amazed to see the heights of illiteracy of people here.Now there are two things that bother me.First is,he is not an AIDS patient.Second is,even if he is one,you won't get the disease unless you get in direct touch with his saliva or blood.AIDS is basically defined as a sexually transmitted disease,and so his family,which includes his wife and daughter,have high chances of getting affected but then he is just a Cancer patient for my uncle for knowing this person closely,had to visit the doctor for his sake and t...

Hedonism defines pleasure as the most important intrinsic good,but pleasure is non existing in reality unless we are blessed enough to receive joy or we consume some strong drug,that can help us reach that Euphoric level.So,when the term 'Colitas' is used in the first stanza of the song Hotel California by the band Eagles,it refers to the buds of Cannabis.Some say that legend has its Satanism at the song's centre.The possible interpretation can be that of the denial to reach the complete state of bliss without the absence of pain,that in turn gives shape and definition to the world of Satan.So,when the phrase 'shimmering light' is used,we do not know if that is God twinkling for a second just to vanish,thereby symbolizing how far it is to reach him or the world of perfection-or is it Satan who loses his status of that of a bright angel to a dark figure.A journey from innocense to experience in other words,the pain of knowing reality as if the singer is questioning h...

Why do we do,what we should not?Confused?Even i am.Till date i have seen others and myself run away from their genuine feelings,in a way trying to escape reality.The modern phrase 'move on',is nothing but a roundabout way of saying-run and escape the reality.But does that really help?I run away today and i find that i have landed myself up in the same land.I will just narrate a small incident.It was in my school days and i don't exactly remember which class but then it happened that a teacher,(i won't name who?),had some problems and i knew well that she would require my help and i did not want to help her,so i just ran away from the place, to demand help from her,myself the next day.It could have been,like i run away and the next day she needs me again but instead of that,it was me who needed it and i was shameful for my action of the previous day of which she had no clue,because she did not see me in the first place but all i could do was reprimand my conscience insi...

So the process of my shifting from one place to the other started on Friday.With the help of Ratan da i was able to shift two heavy things-my suitcase and bedding.I gave him some money,cause that was necessary.Then came my turn.I had to shift single handedly by books,tool,toiletries and other things from my hostel.The process is not done yet.But doing all this,almost by myself was not easy.But i was happy to take the responsibility.So many things i learned in Kolkata.Right from my first year the phrase 'Survival of the fittest',seemed to echo inside my mind because of so many things that i had to face.I made uncountable mistakes,which i still do,get hurt,feel bad and learn.Obviously,there are things that arise almost everyday,to just piss me off.I wish people could forget the past and live in the present,live happily.And i so wish i could murder names for some never cease to linger.I wonder if people i care for will ever understand my predicaments.Contemplating on what is done,...

The time has finally arrived,sooner than i had expected.This Wednesday,i will be leaving my hostel.So last night,i went up to Chobi to give her the news.She just wanted to hear what i wrote about her.I translated it for her.She had moist eyes.Then she said that she might get married soon.I was so flabbergasted by this news.I went on lecturing her about how this is not correct and then she convinced me of how it is with them.I made a promise of not sharing her problems with anyone,so i will stick to it.Now something that happened to me yesterday while i was talking with her was,the other hostel boarders were staring at me while i was talking with Chobi.Now i do not get this.Is it wrong to talk with someone you are comfortable talking to.Why are people so class conscious?I know people who will secretly talk with people below social standards for they feel ashamed of it and when other people have the audacity to do so openly,they are pricked somewhere.I honestly don't care about what ...

Emotions spoil emotions and i am left untamed, My focus world shatters and i see a lot of fragmented evils- The happy storm inside me is stopped by the burden of morals, Yet to call it a burden would be to accuse my own feelings. Complex is what runs inside me with almost an expression outside, And what i fear is this explicit self coming alive. But that face,and that voice-but that kindness and that joy Which should i choose and what should i leave? One fades and comes back and the other remains silent and frank; Why was this suppose to happen?when the uncertain can't be certained And why do i still think of what i should not? and fear my will of what it should be- The tension and the conflict,can i really get away from it? Or am i confined to be forever lonely?

What is nostalgia?Last night right after I had my dinner and I came back to my room,it started raining cats and dogs.My roommate had to stay back at the dining room cause she forgot to take the umbrella with her and I became the owner of the room.I had that room all by myself for near about twenty minutes.I had a novel with me and all i wished for was a cup of coffee(yes,even after dinner) and a sound network and unfortunately i had none for otherwise this post would have come up yesterday night itself.But i had the novel and suddenly i was feeling the need to go to a proper place,any European country for that matter because of its scenic beauty,and to get into a small room of my own and write something good and remain in a trance for quite sometime with nothing but my books and him.And my need became so desperate which i could understand by the absence of such a bliss in my life.I was in a complete paradox.I was happy and sad.The smell of rain(that is how i would like to put it),seeme...

My last blog was full of errors and I had to edit and update it again.An 'unrevised paper is an unfinished paper',my teacher used to say.Indeed so.I never get the time to revise my answers in the exam hall and even when I get it I don't feel like revising.True that it is really hard to reach perfection all the time.But imperfections often give rise to the best of creations.For example,according to me the painting of 'Monalisa',is one of the most imperfect paintings yet that results to it being so famous.'Chaitanya'-the man behind the popularity of Vaishnavism,was so imperfect himself.Some people claim him to be a transgender as well.But I have never seen anyone as perfect as him to spread the language of love among all.Similarly Rituporno Ghosh,is one of those few Bengali directors,whose imperfection in his own life gave rise to some perfect movies to be forever admired in the history of cinema and world of film art.The drawings and other forms of art by the...

My cousin sister recently asked me a question.What is illusion?My answer to that was 'Everything is'.But she seemed not so satisfied with the answer for she wanted a proper discussion on 'maya'-the bengali translation of illusion.Well by now most of my readers know what I am going to write about today.To begin with I will just say that I have not read anything on this subject so far,so what I write about here is nothing but how I perceive this and hence it includes no big surprises and no jaw dropping incidents.In other words,this is going to be very normal.Magic has got illusion in it so the magicians are able to dupe us and similarly what we see is as well very much a part of illusion,so does 'God' dupe us?Well we don't know about it because God's very existence is a big puzzle and that too can be categorized as an illusion for the normal people like us have not seen him but still we believe in his miraculous powers and go on spending on him two three ...

The spinning wheels,remind me of a turmoil- Not long back did i see such a face of the unstoppable,unconquerable figure-the time: Not that i have come out of such a face of escapism, But the virtual period of relief is so much better... The coming back of desired God, Effects me as much as a pinch in the heart- But my present hinders my steps- My faithfulness towards it,again makes me so much better... A real virtual relief for this time. Well this was what i was doing when a boring lecture on an interesting topic made me sulk.The lecture was on Thomas Stearns Eliot and how i wish not to have attended the class but for the attendance.The results of my second year honours exam have also come out and i managed to score fairly well not overlooking the fact that it could have been better and definitely considering of how i have managed it in the midst of my hostel surroundings and ofcourse without a tuition.I am still surrounded by people having the worst predicaments ever.Bu...

That day i saw a labourer labour high up a ladder placed beside a huge building,without any support and i was so terrified by that sight that i started thinking of how blessed i was for not having to do so such a risky job so far in my life.Immediately after that a chain of thoughts followed where i was just thinking of so many other things for which i can consider myself blessed for example i am not one of those families who live on the pavements and try to find some shade when it rains heavily and this thought particularly came to me because i see such people on my way to my college almost everyday.Then i am not someone,a woman perhaps pregnant and then undergoing a miscarriage or a woman who is repeatedly raped by her husband or lover-'m blessed.I am not that bitch with three legs fit and one hit by a car and then unable to express that pain through words or a tree whose branches are cut down for other purposes and that still stands still.Not that someone who begs for food or mo...

I see so many weird people around me everyday and indeed it has become a very common and sorry sight for me to see that most of these people i meet are just so mean.I have been fortunate to meet some good people as well but i don't understand the working mechanism of some of them.They are so uneasy and so less confident about themselves.Like you see,i never had a tuition in my graduation so far and i do not bother to take one irrespective of what i score because i am genuinely interested in what i am stydying and i am not into this field for the sake of marks or with an ambition of cracking top exams and gettong a government job and now comes the fact.I never knew that Kolkata has tuition secrets as well.I mean people don't want to discuss anything about their tuitions because apparently they fear that what they know if known by others outside their tuition might cause these other people to score more than them.Characters as such remind me of a character from one of my favourit...

So the last day i was talking about faint premonition of something ominous but what i forgot to mention was that,that very day i saw a black cat with green eyes in my college mewing at me and i never saw that cat in the past two years of my college and when i saw the cat that day,it just vanished within a fraction of a second.Anyway,so here are the highlights.Soon after that i had a very bad quarrel with my roommate,i accidentally got myself painted by the yellow paint of our college,i was hit by a cycle,my college bag became useless and most importantly i lost my Sonata watch worth 1000 bucks and because i have yet not started earning in my life,i consider that to be a huge loss.I am sad.I don't know what more is going to happen but i have had enough and i want no more of it.I really want things to settle down and come back to a normal place in my life for these few days have been way too eventful,mostly because of all negative incidents.Right at this moment it is raining outside ...

Today as our professor was teaching us 'Look Back In Anger',my eyes suddenly caught a pathetic sight.A butterfly in the clutches of a lizard,trying to escape but is unable to do so and i was praying desperately for the butterfly but in vain for even i am a noone ro nature's rules and activities and my prayer does not count ofcourse.Not that this is the first time that i saw such a thing but i cannot rid myself of this image today not to forget that these last days i have been suffering in my dream and real life as well.A faint premonition of something bad is haunting me continuously but very much like the butterfly i am a little creature in front of my fate just like the butterfly was to the lizard.I definitely did not mean to be over sensitive.

This post is about my first foreign friend.Her name is Zhijia.She is from Malaysia and she has come to India to do some voluntary work under Aiesec which is the largest student run organisation in the world whose main sim is to foster leadership through exchange programs.She is doing her global citizen project which is of six months.She on account of her work will have to stay for six weeks in our country.Yesterday she was sharing her experienced with me,some bitter some good.So here it goes.When she first arrived in Kolkata,at Dum Dum airport,it was midnight and she was expecting a cab from the organisation she works for but unfortunately she had to wait till morning when she finally got one and they dropped her in a nearby school and went away and being completely a stranger to this place she did not know what to do and finally made her way into the school where she was provided accomodation but that turned out to be a bad experience for her again because the room was small and it wa...

Professor Dumbledore said that our choices define who we are far more than our abilities.This could only carry meaning for people who reflect back on past decisions and choices.Yes,I can relate.I often go back to times when i had to make a choice and which I made just to regret.Obviously I am not talking about all my decisions but at some places I went terribly wrong.Now how do they define me?I still make mistakes which I don't realize untill it is too late.But each one of us make mistakes and that defines us as humans.Some great person also said that people who never made mistakes in their lives will never understand the unimportance of events and this is exactly where I feel proud at myself but that is again juxtaposed with apprehensions of what could have been.I wish the abilities and experienced were counted and given their due importance and that happens only in a roundabout way now a days.Someone told me don't forget that a decision too is a test of our capability and if ...

People run after government jobs in India.Today i was talking to one of my hostel mates.She is elder to me by five years or so.She works in a post office in north Kolkata and by that i mean she is into government service.She randomly started speaking about the English syllabus in the third year and then made a comment which was tragic and hilarious at the same time-'the NOVEL MACBETH...'.I tried to stop her immediately but she was shamelessly ignorant and finally when she allowed me to speak,i told her that Macbeth is a Shakespearean tragedy and instead of firmly and quietly believing the fact,she went on to the extent of convincing me that i was wrong and what is ironical is the fact that just before making such a comment she was lecturing all of us about the calibre needed to crack a competitive exam ofcourse by which she meant she was brilliant.Now this idiot i am talking about has done her honours in English and today itself our professor was telling us the lamentable state...

My present hostel demands a two minute walk to get into the place where we receive our daily meal.There are mainly two people working at the fooding sector,one is Chobi and the other is Mumpi.The former one often gets me into thinking.For example today when i went there to have my lunch,Chobi was serving food to the other hostel boarders who had arrived there before i did and then all of a sudden Chobi exclaimed-'paliye gele bachi' [running away from this place will provide me with some relief].She said that with a smile and a sigh on her face.And that somehow made me feel sorry for her.At some remote corner of my heart,i could connect with her because she too stays away from her home,her family but she toils harder than most of us because providing meal to over 150 people in a day that too for two times,washing all our dishes and keeping our dining table as clean as possible is not that easy.But she does it.I do get to see that exasperated Chobi when she is called upon by almo...

Thoughts that flow unidentified Do they have a place in your mind? Did it ever come to you That without your mind,the thoughts would have been worthless too- How would that be,if thoughts could roam free? Could it then remove humans from the planet and occupy its space? Or could it then make a world of itself?! Would then the humans seek information about this newly created world? Or would they stop functioning with their brains empty and null?- Would then the humans become like statues And the thoughts would become speaking tools? But what is the use of such a world Where humans and thoughts don't complement each other at all? Let's then understand the vacuum that has taken place And make use of our unused brains So that humans and thoughts harmonize- And the world reaches a beautiful height.

I was going through an article,and I came across a question-What is Imagination? It was simple,yet so perplexing. The best part about imagination is that it is subjective to the extreme. What we imagine depends on our mind setup,depends on what we are thinking and what is bothering us at a particular time,what kind of a person we are is voiced by what we imagine. This subjective theory can actually give birth to unidentified objects or result to the birth of people,situation and things in our mind which can either provide us with mirth or can lead to sorrow. However,this is undoubtedly the best path in human creation. The fact that we can IMAGINE. It really helps us compensate for what we are not and also provides support for what we are. Every single thing is a result of the process of imagination. The fact that we can speak,write,name things and believe in God-God,himself is a part of imagination,a name given by our ancestors tO the tremendous power and authority of the supernatural ...

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I saw a dream,where i was a clock and it was probably the only time when i had time under my control,the only time when i was fearless because i could limit time and time could not limit me.Suddenly one day i decided to tease time and i stopped the movement of my hands.Time was boxed up and confined;it was shocked.It looked at me with terror in its eyes.I smiled but did not move.For some years i remained constant till i realized that the time in me has faded,has died because i locked it up for so long a time.Then i realized,i felt that it was my soul and now i am paralysed.This was my punishment.Yes,because i paralysed my soul,my time.I tortured it to a still motion when it wanted to move and live the passing days.But what now?I can't cry because i am not made to,but i feel hollow because my parts refuse to move without my soul,my time.Now i too wait for my end.I wait for the rightly approaching time.

For i saw thee in a painting that never spoke; In a poem that was never voiced; In a thought that never materialized; In a picture that never moved; But i saw thee in the quiet face; In the unspoken words; In the dark and white mind; In an imagined frenzy... I move and keep on moving in the abominable path- I sometimes stop and wait for the suffering wrath. Nothing ceases to amaze me though; For each sight offers me with its source of bewilderment For each passing light shoots up somewhere high above. I see a figure dancing,asking me to believe in its movements Movements imitating and the supernatural pointing to the vast world and claiming it as its own. And crying to move forward Not to achieve the desired- But to function for what one is send for I blink for i don't want myself to get caught in the moment. The distance between me and my death is my caught up soul- Yearning to get free but remembering it can't. I sense the inevitable feeling,i sense it all And i cry-O Love!O...

That day I watched the movie ,'Stanley Ka Dabba' and there were so many things that I liked in this movie. And before I start I would like to say that this is not a film review. From the very beginning of this film our suspense is heightened by the fact that all the students bring their 'Dabbas' or tiffin boxes except Stanley. Why does he not bring his tiffin box? The audience can anticipate that something perhaps has gone wrong with his family. Everyone in the class share their tiffin with him happily because Stanley is one such person who is loved by all because of his social habits and having a thinking ability beyond his age. Then there is the Hindi teacher who never brings his 'Dabba' and shamelessly fills his stomach by simply taking tiffins from the other teachers in the staff room during the recess and spare his students as well. He is a man obsessed with food, while Stanley is a child labour in a small place run by his 'Chacha' (uncle) and cann...

As I promised to you Souvik,this blog post is about Kolkata-the way I have seen it and the way I have known it.Good and bad are two sides of the same coin.If one is lucky,one is able to witness or experience the good.But I guess I am in between the good and bad.The good that I have got from Kolkata in the last two years of-my college,my knowing you more as a human,my first taste of adulthood and my being self reliant and a little fame.Well let me put it in this way.This 'city of joy',I feel has accommodated me,accepted me but I am still not ready to accept it.Thus this city often proves to be an emblem of threat to me.It is challenging for a small town girl like me to adjust herself in new circumstances easily.I have been misunderstood at many places in my stay in Kolkata,more so because it takes me time to mix up with people and my self pride does not really allow me to correspond with morons who have no self-respect and are aimless and think to do some sort of favour to me ...

Modernity is very much distinct from fashion. The will to heroize the present is called modernity. Fashion is merely related to calling into question the course of time.Smoking or mating cannot really be defined as signs of being modern. Many people merely adapted as a fashion statement or more so because of peer pressure. But being modern is all about broadening the mental horizon. In 'Chokher Bali' by Rabindranath Tagore the character named Binodini, is modern but very unfortunate of her to be born in an age where her perception of things were generally regarded as 'Ashubho'(unfortunate). She bestowed with the spirit and courage of a man being born a woman. She learned English when the Indian society despised it and did not chop off a hair after becoming a widow which was the custom during that time in India. We can also recall Ishwarchandra Vidyasagar in this context. Starting widow remarriage and child education at a time when the time was against it, is called bein...

Brains can so us no good,only our minds can and the more i listen to the popular track of Johm Lennon's 'IMAGINE', this thought of mine gets confirmed.There is one line in this song which attracts me to it more than any other line and that is 'imagine all the people living for today'.The inevitable question that comes is how many of us really live for the present?Even i don't and i wish i could.A place in eternity with no country,no religion,no heaven and no hell and possession indeed is a rare piece of thought for such an existence of almost nothing with just the sky above is what lennon asks us to imagine and knowing the lesser mortal capacity himself answers in his song 'i wonder if you can'.When he sings 'they may say i am a dreamer,but i am not the only one',is indeed linked with when he sings 'i hope someday you join us'-how many of us can really dare to dream such a noble thought of unity.We are all busy with ourselves.Nothing beyo...

Well the news of the Nepal earthquake which took place on 25th of April,Saturday is all over the internet now and probably i am the last person on earth to write about this quake on my blog.I don't think so i need to give the stats of how many people died or what was the earthquake measure cause by now i feel evryone knows about it.I just want to share my own experience.The quake which shook nepal also shook India especially the northern and eastern part of India and living in Durgapur,a small place in West Bengal near Kolkata,i had one of the most eerie experiences of my life.The night before 25th i could not sleep and i went to sleep at around 6A.M on the morning of 25th due to which i could not wake up early that morning.Till mid-day i was sleeping and i saw a dream which was again eerie.I saw in my dream that it was raining heavily and i was on the roof of our house when suddenly i saw i big anaconda with its two babies on our apollo avenue street[which is just infront of our h...

Happy Birthday to you Souvik.This is ofcourse an advance wish on account of various problems which i may have to face tomorrow and of which only you have the idea.Tomorrow you will turn 21 and with the passage of one more year you realize how a dozen more responsibilities crop up in your schedule.With your ageing you shall see things around you to change and at times you may want to give up.So it is for those times that i say that i shall be by you.With this passing time you shall also witness enjoyment being substituted by the burden of work so i sincerely hope that you enjoy doing whatever you do later on in your life so that no burden befalls on you.With the passing of time you shall get closer to so many temptations.Be sure and wise to choose for yourself that which will account to your merriment.Do not be hasty.With the passing of more time many more dreams you will see and i sincerely hope and wish those dreams to come true pleasantly.HAPPY BIRTHDAY once again in advance.Have an ...

What happens when you grow up in not so amiable an environment? What happens when you meet abominable people around you,busier than ever to point out your mistakes to all and having their joy and mirth in that? What happens when you really want to tell such people that even they themselves are not paragon ofs perfection? But you stop yourself from doing so because after all you are advised 'by some' not to fall down to their level just to "criticize" them?! Why so? I mean is it wrong or is it what they call uncivil to say things frankly on the faces of such odious people. It is not a substandard thing to actually say people that they are wrong. It is not called criticizing because it is you who is being criticized for not even harming them a bit by following your daily work just as you are expected to. You are after all being dutiful towards yourself and they are all jobless for they criticize no matter what. They are wrong for they compare in senses which appear so n...

Asmall piece of thrown away paper draws the attention, Insults fly and make the dry mouth tremble The weight of words in thoughts are inconsistent and heavy God is tired and bored with paradise and it is us whom he envies- Busier actions,swiftly moving time do not see our feelings We live and we are still living,not knowing the meaningful... Transient as everything is,we hope to survive and the hope dies; The personal world is exhausted and the other world,virtual carries the SHE, God is tired of paradise and it is us whom he envies.

Reading a good book has always helped me to peep into a different world which speaks our language and lives in our eccentricities- eccentric thoughts which in the books sometimes materialize into actions and we tend to know how the consequences would have been if we were to place ourselves into their shoes. Sometimes the negative makes us realize that things could have been worse with us. The positive often encourage us to come out of our protective shells boldly and make a significant difference to our lives. After I finish reading a good book,I get closer to a different world- a world of words,characters and reality. It takes me out of the forced intimacy and tentative laughter. Human mind is the most complex wonder of the supernatural,a more rare and responsible something. And reading books definitely bring me nearer to this wonder and disturbs me inexplicably to the extent of making me forget about my latest uneasiness. A good book can change one's life.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I took the one less travelled by and that has made all the difference",well these were the words written by Robert Frost in his poem 'The Road not taken'.Well i apologize for i do not really remember the punctuation marks and all but then yes i did not even bother to check it once for otherwise my writing would have been interrupted.I open my blog and start writing about what i want to write and don't really pause in the course of writing.Anyway.When I read this poem I knew that this poem will be remembered by me throughout my life.After class ten I made my decision to take up commerce for my plus two but after plus two I took up English as my subject.Yes I do think often that why I did not go for humanities stream in my plus two if I were to take up English as my subject.Well now I feel happy that I took this two decisions at two different points in my life.No I was not childish.I had my thoughts in taking both these choic...

People often ask me this question,do I believe in God?am I a religious person?Previously my answer to them used to be 'no I don't believe in God.I am an atheist,.But now to be very honest I confess that my being an atheist is because I never really get a response from what people address as God.I have seen good things in my life as well as bad and all this I think is nothing but a part and parcel of destiny.People may think now from where does this destiny come.True.Even I don,'t have an answer to this.But that does not mean that there is God.There is obviously some supernatural power,a power greater than all other powers.But is this power God?I have read Gita and to some extent I started believing that there is God but then why cannot I really communicate with God?Why do I need to become a superhuman someone to see or meet God.I know I am good and I have never harmed someone,some human being to be very precise,in my life.I have lied a few number of times but how does that ...

What do you do when things do not work out the way you want them to.I mean feeling bad is but very natural,but then what if you cannot help yourself even after that.If you feel bad and go off to sleep,it will not mean that your problem has got a solution rather it will mean yoou are an escapist who just wants to ignore a particular situation because you don't have the slightest of inklings of what to do now and what not to do?!.The answer to this is very simple but the execution is the hardest.Whenever any of us faces a situation like this one needs to think of how one can really improve things.This is not going to be easy at all for one will not want to think.How do I know?Well I have been fooling around for a number of years now and finally I have realized this,that in order to have peace in one's life and to avoid the temporary suspension of problems,one need to think about a permanent solution and in doing that one cannot always think about oneself but will have to think ab...

Now that I have come back home for a period of three months like almost three months I realize that there are so many things in and around me that has changed and there are also certain things which needs to be changed.I see the number of new things that my mother has bought in order to decorate the house,the furniture and everything with their changed positions and infact the local market Muchipara has a completely different look because of all the efforts being taken to widen the grant trunk road.I personally do not feel good seeing this for I favour the old Muchipara more.Nevertheless this is all being done keeping in mind the general good of the people and I hope it comes out with a successful look that to as soon as possible so that the regular travellers do not really face problems travelling.Then of course there is our house which needs new curtains and a fresh paint big time.When it comes to the humans I don't really find any change in them.My grandfather is still the same...

Let this be the beginning then... Diffident yet bold step towards the future, Let the cold society groan, Let the no-bound soul rapture. I will no more save thee for my good, I will no more flush and fire I will no more flout my mind- I will no more a thing desire. Let us run to the region known, Let us forever be alone. Alone with ourselves and our nonsensical curiosity Alone with the self free dome. Carefree and careless sea you won't find here: You will only sea the world go crazy; For the want of self freedom and craziness No we will not depart,we will stay together forever. In the miniature street of joy shall we walk and sing, In the tiny world of joy shall we forever cling. Worrying about what we cannot buy and cannot avert,shall no more bother us with pain. We shall go a long distance in the reign of welcoming rain. Let this be the entry then towards the bright future Let this be the beginning then... Let the cold society groan, Let the no-...

There are some people who come in your life to teach you some wonderful values.In my second year I have been fortunate enough to meet quite a few of them.First of all I will mention an old man named Sunil Mitra whom I met in my cousin's house.The meeting was strange for he did not even bother to approach me or for that matter anyone else.He had come to attend the death ceremony of his dear friend whose name was also Sun il whom this old man addressed as "meeta".This 'Meeta' was my cousin's uncle and that day after dinner I saw the old man lying on his bed and thinking about something really deep or so I felt.While everyone was busy making arrangements for the dinner of the other people present I decided to talk to this old man.At first he asked me in which school do I read?And then when I told him that I read in a college,I could see the surprise in his eyes.Well then he started talking about experiences as a young man,of how he travelled India by foot two tim...