Religion,God,complications

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People often ask me this question,do I believe in God?am I a religious person?Previously my answer to them used to be 'no I don't believe in God.I am an atheist,.But now to be very honest I confess that my being an atheist is because I never really get a response from what people address as God.I have seen good things in my life as well as bad and all this I think is nothing but a part and parcel of destiny.People may think now from where does this destiny come.True.Even I don,'t have an answer to this.But that does not mean that there is God.There is obviously some supernatural power,a power greater than all other powers.But is this power God?I have read Gita and to some extent I started believing that there is God but then why cannot I really communicate with God?Why do I need to become a superhuman someone to see or meet God.I know I am good and I have never harmed someone,some human being to be very precise,in my life.I have lied a few number of times but how does that make me a an inferior someone for even the gods and goddesses used to kill so many people in wars and yet they are known as gods and goddesses.This reminds me of how in Chitra Banerjee's The Palace of illusions when Draupafi falls down in her journey towards the heaven and how Lord Krishna comes to take her back.This is what the Gita says of how we are all a part of the God(Lord Krishna) and that we come to this earth to do the duties which are assigned to us long before we are born.Then why is it said that God gives you a life and it is for you to decide which path you will take-the good or the bad.The same question was asked by Maugham in his book The Razor's edge as well.Things are complicated.Now people also ask me that 'if you are not a religious person then why do you wear stones in your fingers?'I simply smile at them or answer them depending on whom I am talking with.If I answer I tell them that being a religious person and a spiritual person is not the same thing.Maybe there will come a time when Lord Krishna will come to me in my death bed to take me back to the place from where I have come.(Being optimistic) So I will say I will perhaps visit Heaven with the Lord and find my ideal bliss there.

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