learning and growing

It will be a lie if I say that I did not wait for this year to end. Hogwarts kept me busy throughout with this and that and whenever I got some free time, I either read a book, decorated my apartment or studied more to improve myself as a professional. There were days when I worked till 1 at night inside the school. There were days when I wrote, recorded, taught people to dance, taught class 10 chapters beyond the syllabus, made them bookmarks and cooked all by myself- and I did it altogether. Such that the days passed very quickly and I did not even understand. Waking up at 7 in the morning knowing that the day won't end soon, often made my journey from my bed to the bathroom very difficult. But I am through all of it for this year and that includes me getting saline once after Diwali and finishing a two months newsletter in 2 hours and meeting the deadline. Hogwarts so far has been a place from where I learned every moment. Being a mentor to my class 9 mentees , that too all boy...

And i get back to what i dearly missed for the past two months odd. Life kept me pretty busy. There has been too much of learning at the professional level and I am still getting used to the fact that I am no more a beginner in this field and though young, the professional environment has accepted me like never before. I am very happy to announce that my school has won the Green school of the year award [ north ] and also the best infrastructure [ jury choice ] award at the Global education Awards 2019. It has been ranked as the No.1 co-ed boarding school in Rajasthan for 6 consecutive years now and has achieved 14th rank in all over India among the co-ed boarding schools of the country by ISRA. The award ceremony will be held on 28th and 29th September in Gurgaon. At present the school is busy with the academic exchange program with Canford school, UK as well as ongoing excursions. Now that i am done with praise for my school , i shall come back to some regular talks. It too might in...

One free day at Hogwarts and here I write. I lost my grandmother three days back. She passed away in the hospital on Monday morning at around 11.30 in the morning. She had been in the hospital for around a month and had a massive cerebral attack that resulted to her death. She was 78 and the grief can be compensated. But nothing can ever compensate the death of my father. Nothing ever will. I lost him when i was not supposed to and he passed away when his hard work was about to give fruitful results. But this is life i guess. We hope, we lose and we learn to accept. My mother went back to West Bengal on Tuesday and she boarded the flight all alone for the first time and did everything all okay despite the fact that we reached late at the airport due to the high traffic on Delhi-Gurugram highway. I am all alone in a new state, living in a duplex with no one except for my books. My mother hence on will be staying in our house in Durgapur and I shall continue living the way I am. I am li...

 A lot has been happening the past few days. I moved to Alwar, Rajasthan. And my campus infrastructure is the most beautiful thing on earth. It is so beautiful. We also have an observatory which only a few schools in India have. I am fortunate to work in one of them. I got lost three times in the campus as i was searching for the conference hall yesterday. We had an ice- breaking session with our new principal. Each table had six members and each member was given a paper and we were told by the principal to not see the paper unless asked to. Then we were told to stand up in our places and see the paper and solve it ourselves. The time given to us was 10 minutes. In those ten minutes we had to run to people around us and ask them their names as per the question criteria. For ex - there was a question that said " I am the youngest in the school family " and i had to write my name there while people flocked to me asking me for my name. Once this was done we were asked to make t...

The wave of feminism is now a days hugely misinterpreted by so many who themselves claim to be social activists. Not just that. Men are being misunderstood everywhere even when they are not at fault. Maybe men are silly and insensitive sometimes but not all men are disgusting and not all men go against the work culture of  women . There are men who support the work drive in women. They don't just support the work drive but also respect it. Misandry and feminism should not be misinterpreted. This is one. Second thing that I want to share is that there is this tea stall in front of my B.Ed college is the one place in that area that allows the people to sit and gaze freely. The ' chaiwala' is friendly and does not ask you silly questions. He is in fact one of the few gentlemen I have come across in Chhatarpur. He is not rich but has manners and decency. His wife helps him out with his daily chores and he too helps her with the making of the lunch everyday, which i noticed jus...

Now that the countdown has begun I can write a few things about this place. Long back when i got the interview call i had some misgivings but I preferred it over the other two jobs that i got in Kolkata. Because of the brand of course. I wanted my first job to have that class. And then ,after I was appointed as a teacher ,Mohit, who is the accountant of our school and now a good friend of mine, showed me  our house in Chhatarpur where my mother and I were supposed to stay for the remaining of our time here. " Surendra Villaz " as they spell it was a lonely and a little isolated colony near Chhatarpur railway station and to this day it still is. To add twist in my story we were not the only residents in the new house of this colony. We were asked to share our space with another male teacher. At first the way Mohit introduced everything to us, I thought that this new male teacher from Egypt would actually be an elderly man or something. But later we found out he was a kid of m...

I wanted to write what all i shall miss after leaving MP. But something more important came up. And i will write about that. Today for the first time in my life , I had to bribe a civil servant to get my work done. And I became a part of the corruption. So I think MP will be remembered as not just the state that gave me the foundation year of my career, but also the state that dragged me towards doing something i completely diagree with. If i had been very much money minded so far, from today i am more of that. My real life experiences with the world outside is teaching me at every single step that money is what you need to survive in this cruel and dirty world. If you have the currency, you are the master. All of these stand against my communal ways of leading a guilt free life. General service no more comes at a free cost. I won't be surprised if the government someday in the near future start taking tax from the common people for breathing in Oxygen. I mean of course they will ...

Now that most of the official work is over i can declare that i am moving on in a better way. I have already resigned from my present job but will be going to DPS for three more days. My next job location is Rajasthan and that too a boarding school and can't wait for the Hogwarts world to open up in front of my eyes. And did i tell you what gives me this feeling of Hogwarts? The 160 acres size of the campus. I have already visited the campus once this vacation for the endless series of interviews and I am already in love with it though I have seen just 1/5th of the campus. The students in this school are from 22 states and 7 different countries. And I am all ready to explore their culture, know them more and evolve as a professional as well as  an individual. All of this has been very sudden and initially i did not even know whether i will be able to go to Rajasthan and appear for the interview. But somehow all of this happened and now I am moving. There are things that i discover...

Last one month i did not have the time to think what was happening all around me. Everything happened very fast and  now it is almost time for the vacation to end. But i have been successful in making some significant changes in my life. I took a major decision this summer and had to run to a different state for the same. And it all happened very fast. Once the entire business gets perfectly done i shall tell you all about the why and where and what. Meanwhile the temperature is enough to boil us all alive. The times of India app on my mobile notified me that the monsoon this year will arrive late and will also be a very weak kind of Monsoon and this news upsets me more than anything because the place i live in, is probably one of the gates to hell. And i am sure all the places i move to in my future will not be very different. Anyway. Let me talk about Kolkata now. The last one month i had the opportunity to meet with all my friends and relatives and to travel to some beautiful p...

In case if you have been wondering if i were that busy, you are right. I was. I still am but my schedule is lighter than before and hence i am writing. A lot has been happening since i arrived in West Bengal. From meeting friends to other stuffs, everything has been a hell of a ride. Most things on my bucket list are done. A few things still remain and hopefully i will tick them off very soon and happily. Mother is out with her friend and i am alone inside my room reading 'Selection Day'' by Aravind Adiga as well as writing my blog. Lately i am getting some weird responses from neighbours regarding my lifestyle. Not that i care but i wonder what makes them think about me so much. I thank you all for investing your time on me. And yes I do not consider my mother as a baggage to all who want to hear it out. She is my responsibility and it is my good luck that i am travelling with her wherever i go. Not to forget that in future too, i shall do that. I shall take her with me t...

Right after 'fani' [cyclone] did not not strike us the way it was expected to yesterday night [ after midnight], i went off to sleep knowing that it is going to be a long day today. I woke up and had an application to fill up and also had to make an important call. I washed my clothes, had my breakfast and I am writing now. Obviously i cleaned my laptop before this. This is the first time that i opened my laptop in Bengal. And trust me i was not sure if i should because i don't have enough time. But since i am free for the next thirty minutes, let me write down a few things. I boarded my train from MP on Tuesday afternoon and landed in Kolkata on Wednesday morning. It was good to be back in my Bengali land and instead of uttering ' bhaiya ' i could actually utter ' dada ' everywhere after a long time and that itself was a matter of joy. Anyway. I booked an uber car as soon as i landed with my mother in Howrah junction and within 45 mins i reached my place. ...

There has been no single day in this week when i did not think of writing on my blog. But the schedule has been busy. Even today throughout the morning I was busy correcting papers, writing marks, packing my bags and then i listened to some good songs before finally coming to this part of the day. The previous week I went with my colleagues to a new place near Dak Khana. Earlier Hanuman tauriya was my favourite landscape here in Chhatarpur but since the day i had visited this new place, my favourite landscape has changed. Basically it is a small lake and is perfect if one goes alone. The beauty of the place was so perfect with the birds, the water body and the peace and since it was all dark by the time we reached that place, it looked lovlier. The peace of the place further guaranteed me that my decisions about people in my life had been correct so far and that even if sometimes we do miss a person, it is better to not have them back. And about things, well then, let me share a few i...

It is a Saturday night and well I am blogging now. I did not do much work today because I well deserved a break. I listened to songs and talked with a few friends over the phone. It feels so wonderful to talk with them. One friend was so angry on me because I did not talk with him for such a long time. But I did all that i could within my powers to make it up to him. Did I ever tell you people that my friends are very important to me in my life. I don't have many. I just have a few of them but I can trust on them with my eyes closed. There is nothing on earth that they don't know about me. And i too know everything about them. Back in my school days whenever we used to have fights, we had strange ways of getting things fixed and not a single thing has changed even today. We can go to any lengths for the sake of friendship that we share. I remember telling a classmate during my university days that '' Love is okay. But friendship is more important. '' I have mal...

Today is 17th April and I am in good spirits. I get excited on the birthdays of my friends. So this day is actually one such day. Happy Birthday Souvik. I think I can rightly say now that we are getting old together. And i don't know what the future holds for us but I shall treasure you as a good friend throughout. You are a good person. Family's best wishes are always with you. Now coming back to regular life. Well today was a national holiday but despite that we had to go to school for some work. Had to stay there for around five hours. And then returned back. A lot of work was done in those five hours. So it was not a waste of time. And i keep reminding myself - put one foot in front of the other and get through the day. That is it. Rest is not in your hands. I learned from a message yesterday that we should not take things personally. Why? Because nobody ever does anything because of you. Whatever they do is ultimately a projection of their outer and inner reality. I think...

Today is Bengali New Year and I am terribly upset, though I tried putting up a happy face throughout. The days are not passing quickly. I  am restless. And there is of course some workload.  In a way this workload keeps me busy. Yet I try to find my self time. For the past three days my self time has been my blog. But it does not become possible always. I have stopped communicating with even the few I used to communicate with before, It is just my mother and I. And there is no subject under Earth that she does not discuss with me. I just nod because I am physically and mentally exhausted all the time now a days. A month and a half back I even decided to leave Chhatarpur once and for all and my decision was final. I got a job offer too. Two job offers, if you ask. My mother made me understand and helped me calm down. Yes , she was the one to calm me down this time. But anyway I am counting days. To end this particular phase. It is tiring. It is lonely. It is exhausting. But q...

So I started my day with my school work today. Having completed that, I took out my laptop and cleaned it again. I wonder how people go without cleaning their cars for months. Don't they love their asset? Anyway. Either they are careless or I am too meticulous and careful. I am not careful about myself or my health. But when it comes to my things. I am careful to a fault. Now a days when I go all decked up to my school, my colleagues and my students ask me " Where did you get this earring from? Where did you get this Dupatta from? '' They all think that I have purchased them all. But the truth is most of my earrings collection dates back to 2007. I obviously made an effort to increase my collection after that but  I did not purchase a single pair from MP. All my dupattas too come from a similar time zone. Dupattas used to come free during that time. But since I am not carrying my bunch from my hometown and I incidentally left my white Dupatta at my cousin's, I had...

One year back on 13th of April, i joined my current work place. One year since then and I survived. I am happy that i could keep up with my writing here despite all the ups and downs. I am happy that I could share with my readers all that I have been through, this past year. This year I started my day with cleaning my laptop. This is not a laptop, this is hard work to me.And hence I need to take care of its health. It is just 10:05 a.m as i write, and more things are yet to happen. I have my day planned. All things are to happen inside my room in this one corner where I sit with my laptop. Whether its adding more material to my website, or reading new books or making question papers or writing lesson plans. The temperature here in Madhya Pradesh has taken a troll on my mother and me already and we get more jealous when we hear that it rained in West Bengal. That the Kalbaisakhi in West Bengal has poured relief to the people there and all those flashy headlines. I feel like a character...

I started with my new website yesterday. It is just an experiment and let's see how it turns out. I shall soon provide the link here but right now I am busy making it grow. I am soon to start with reading a new book. And since I have downloaded quite a few of them I am yet to decide which one. I still did not finish ' Kafka 0n the shore' by the way. It was not boredom. It was me getting involved in some other useful activities. Sometimes I wonder that there is so much to learn in this world. So much to improve on.  Sometimes the journey does become lonely and you only wish that there was a bestfriend. The Watson and Sherlock friendship, or the Dean and Sam unity or the Richard and Peralta combo or the Meredith-Yang partnership. But in real world things are quite different. I am blessed to have some good friends in my life. But as we say it in Bengali, " moner manush " . That moner manush is not there. Neither my mother, nor my boyfriend is that person for me. All...

On the 31st of March 2019, our school organised a day and night camp within the school premises. All the students and teachers were informed and promised beforehand that the day is going to be filled with fun activities. Despite all the promises i did not feel like going to my work place on a Sunday. But duty calls! ; who can avoid them? I could not get enough sleep the previous night overthinking about how 31st is going to be like. The ringing of the alarm bell just stirred me to reality on the morn of 31st. I dragged my tired body to the restroom and got ready soon after. At around 7.30 a.m i got out of my house and walked towards the bus stand. I was texting one of my friends about how irritated I was to get up so early on a Sunday morning. Soon thereafter three of my colleagues stopped by. They were inside a car and asked me to get in. It was the first good thing that happened. It kind of gave me hope that the rest of the day might turn out good. We reached school and we saw Princ...

Learning and growing has taken a different shape now. I can feel the change in me. I finally realize why CV's ask for experience. Experience changes you both personally and professionally. If i were to describe myself in one word that would be 'reserved'.  I don't talk with many people. Because i don't like all. I talk with some and I like them. It is just that simple. I have always been a nerd if you ask me. I like keeping things to myself and doing things myself. I love my personal space. Now a days i have become more reserved. Professionally it is of course not possible for me to always be the way i really like to be but there too i have seen a change in me. I think the more you learn about things and people, the quieter you become. The more focused you become with your plans. Once my sir told me that ' the more you shall grow up, the more you will realize that the four walls of your room has more to offer .' I do not completely agree but i do get now wh...

My father told me once, " I am with you in all your good works ." It has often bothered me since then as to what he meant. Bad and good has always been a matter of perception to me. I think i have mentioned it somewhere on my blog too. But what was it that disturbed me about this statement? I have often questioned the empty blank authority- " am i good or bad ?''. And obviously there was no reply. But then one day something happened. And i realized that there are times when some people hurt you DELIBERATELY.  This sense of deliberation comes from some place inside the brain that knows how to confirm a certain impact. So we make deliberate efforts to work hard, which is good because it gives one satisfaction. But the point of deliberately hurting someone and gaining pleasure from that, was never justifying to me. It felt wrong to me. And then i realized that i actually have the right to categorize such people as bad and their motives as worse. And that i have the...

The four days holiday finally came to an end. It was a quiet, peaceful journey. I was mostly inside my house binge watching shows and reading articles. I even tried my hand at painting after a long time. It turned out to be a disaster in my attempt to finish it within ten minutes. I realized that i lack patience for such sublime things now because i am more focused with some other important activities in my life which might prove beneficial in the long run. The weather has started to change too. It is spring but we still cover ourselves with a blanket at night. The sun sets around six 'o' clock in the evening instead of five fifteen. Sometimes i yearn for the noise of the city streets but  most of the times i appreciate the peaceful environment that  our colony gives us. The occasional sound of the train engine assure me that i shall never forget  these days- the beginning days of my career. And did i say that last year, on 23rd of March i came here for the interview. To...

When students who try to keep in touch with you not because the syllabus demands it but because you matter to them, makes you feel good. And then when you get compliments like ' ma'am there is no substitute to you ', makes you feel even better. I need to write all this down here on my blog  so that someday  when i would like to turn back the pages of my life  and ask myself about my achievements, these little compliments shall make me smile more than my materialistic gains. I won't name the student but this blog is for you and i hope you are reading it. Lately you have faced problems in your life. And you did not know what to do or how to come out from a situation like that. I would like to tell you that you are not alone here. We all face situations that can shake us a little. And I won't say that since you are a teenager, you are more likely to be in trouble because I still find  myself doing such stupid things and i am not a teenager. Trust is a very important w...

Some readers asked me as to why i don't write as often as i used to? It is just that i had a given goal to the number of pageviews that i received. I have reached that number and so , as i had mentioned before, i shall only write when i want to. Also I have realized that i am becoming more private with my issues now a days. So i might not find it very comfortable to share all my feelings here. Some philosophical approaches towards life and work will always be shared with my readers though. And that brings me to the one thing that is inside my mind for sometime now. I feel distanced. I am finding it hard to give a meaningful definition to my life right now.  Money does make me happy. But the working pattern has become monotonous. I am learning and teaching but not the way i had always dreamed of. There is something missing in my life right now. Something so essential and vital that i can almost feel it taking a shape in my mind with its empty form. And i am not losing myself becaus...

Someone from my hometown asked me ' how are you dealing with the students now? '. I started laughing because that is something i am still learning. We laughed, when i told her that some students think that i am one of them because i look young but they forget i am elder to them. The thing is i can be a friend to my students but again one cannot expect me to be a friend who will chat and gossip with them. I would rather laugh at their foolish behaviour . I do it almost all the time. I try to correct them when they are wrong. And then obviously comes my likes and dislikes.  But that is a different thing. I am a peaceful person and i HATE [ irrespective of the age] people who try my patience. I am a realist and a straightforward person. I cannot lie about anything. If a student does not know how to behave in the class that student must be treated accordingly. Anyway. I realized something. I ordered two things on Amazon and they arrived today. I felt happy. I wonder how celebritie...

Wish i could only know the beginnings after the ending of most of my favourite movies and novels. As a reader i have my own theories and versions but I often wonder about the creator's  perspective. Did the characters struggle again? If they did why? How did they handle it? Was it necessary for them to do so? What were the other options they had? I guess we will never know. This was the first thought that came to my mind and hence I wrote it down. There are a few other things that i want to share. Now what exactly brings me back to my blog? A normal conversation with one of the students of class ten. And as i went along with the conversation i felt that only if our school had a counselling cell for both the students and the teachers. Anyway. Let us get on then. The peace of the surroundings prevail but there is restlessness inside the mind as always. Every night i go to sleep, the thought that I WILL DIE SOMEDAY comes to me. We do so many things but all of it is temporary. Surviv...

When one great man said " I will show you fear in a handful of dust"- another great man replied- "Nothing happens.Nobody comes, nobody goes. It's awful". Then the hero came and said " Why don't we have a little game? Let's pretend that we're human beings, and that we're actually alive...The voice that cries out doesn't have to be a weakling's, does it ?". And just like that, life changed. 😉😊

Okay. Had to come back. Finishing a book is such a gigantic task to me now a days. I finished reading Norwegian Wood and though it got a little boring in the middle, I could not stop myself from flipping through the pages because there was one character in the book, so much like me that I wanted to know what will happen to that character in the end. Not too happy about the end either. All good books teach me something and leaves me broken. And Murakami did not fail to do that. That is why my present read is also one of Murakami's work. I got a text from my professor the other day. She told me that the Annual Prize Distribution of our College is on 30th January and since I topped all the four semesters, I am cordially invited to receive my award. She also asked me to send her a list of books which I would like to receive as a prize. I did my job but I won't be there to receive my books. She told me she will try to courier it and if that happens, I will be so grateful and happy....

Was not hybernating. I was not too busy either. I just had myself preoccupied with serious stuffs and then suddenly realized that I did not write a single post this year. Today is the 14th day of 2019 and already too many things are happening with me in my personal life. That should not be a turn off, right ? My new year resolution is to eat more and dream more. From now on I shall only write when i would like to. Shall be available emotionally to only a few. Shall live. Shall survive. Looking forward to better beginnings. And 2019- a big hello from me.