When I kept grinding, this is what happened

One year back on 13th of April, i joined my current work place. One year since then and I survived. I am happy that i could keep up with my writing here despite all the ups and downs. I am happy that I could share with my readers all that I have been through, this past year. This year I started my day with cleaning my laptop. This is not a laptop, this is hard work to me.And hence I need to take care of its health. It is just 10:05 a.m as i write, and more things are yet to happen. I have my day planned. All things are to happen inside my room in this one corner where I sit with my laptop. Whether its adding more material to my website, or reading new books or making question papers or writing lesson plans. The temperature here in Madhya Pradesh has taken a troll on my mother and me already and we get more jealous when we hear that it rained in West Bengal. That the Kalbaisakhi in West Bengal has poured relief to the people there and all those flashy headlines. I feel like a character inside a book who in turns feels like a character inside a book feeling nostalgic for things that did not happen as well as for things that are yet to happen. As i open my facebook account I see most of my friends doing an internship in a school or have started working in one. I feel happy and proud of myself because I started early despite repeated breakdowns. Then I see some of my friends enjoying in foreign countries, doing their masters or working in some globally recognized firm yet highly dissatified because things did not turn out the way they expected to and I feel jealous and bad for them simultaneously. Who cares about your work or personal life as long as you can pose in front of the Brooklyn bridge. Never mind. When I tell my mother that look so and so is doing this in his or her life she turns a deaf ear to me only to tell me afterwards ''that living alone is not easy.:we live together in a different state and yet face so many problems...Thank God for the people who are there to help us out. '' I tell my mom that every place we go or we shall go in future we will get people who will help us out. Because as long as you live in a society these things happen automatically. My mother finds my theory too hard to digest. She reminds me of all the times when i had a terrible disorder of some sort. Either a high temperature when i could not get up from my bed and mother had to assist me or when i had diarrhoea and could not stop vomitting. She thinks i live in my fanciful world and hardly know what are the disadvantages of living alone. I think she often forgets the few years i had already done that and suffered. My peace is in living the way i want, doing the things i want to do and in every step i cannot take my mother with me because she is growing old and her approach towards life is way too different from mine. What I think normal, she thinks of it as a taboo. She thinks that traveling is nothing but physical exhaustion but i obviously hold a different view given  that i have already set some goals in my life. I am not saying she is wrong all the time but she is different from me. Very different. Yet we live together under the same roof and she is my responsibility and I love her and can never thank her enough for putting up with me in my struggling days and making food for me to ensure that I don't suffer health wise. Most people will think that , that is what a mother or a parent is supposed to do. But that is what makes me different from the rest. I don't think it is either customary or necessary for a mother  to take care of her child after the child is 18. It is okay to take care of your parents or giving them help financially when you are in your early 20's but making your parents do the same for you when you are in your mid twenties is ridiculous. I have seen it in my own family and I have loathed the idea ever since, and have always expressed my grudges against the same very openly and hence I am a human from a different planet according to my mother. My mother often asks me what shall i do when i will become a wife?! Ans she immediately asks me a second question. " you are planning to settle down, right? " Again, I shall settle down, and i have already planned what my wedding will be like. But I shall settle down when i want to and not because I am already 24 and earning some money and have some degrees. Ask for commitment and dedication, I am there but making marriage a priority is not me. Sometimes I do feel the need to actually get married and have a secured life but if you ask me personally, a live in relation is far better than a marriage. It is both strings attached and no strings attached. Be there with your partner and help your partner out. Know everything about your partner, both the good and the bad things and then decide to marry. I think i shall have to tell my boyfriend about it but then again, our goals and opinions about life is like north pole and south pole.And my mother might just faint if i tell her about this. My bringing her to this state itself has never gone a day without her telling me- " Why? Where did you get this strange idea from? Why can't you work in Kolkata and blah blah...''. It is like if I tell my mother that the sunset is beautiful, she will tell me that it is evening now, time for the mosquitoes to prey on human blood. But that is okay. Because she is right. While I am a literature student and I want to live. That reminds me, one night I had asked my mom if she was always happy with my father. She said that '' happiness comes from understanding. I knew why your father reacted a certain way when he did and i always knew that he is my best friend. '' Well, I could not sleep that night. Remember  my last blog post where I was talking about ''moner manush.'' My father was that for her. And i know now why is it so difficult for her to get over his death. God if you are reading my blog from up there, do something about it. And also send my person. Because this is the time when my person should make an entry in my life just as they show in movies. No one will know it better than you.