learning and growing

These holidays are pretty busier than usual for me in the sense that i am preparing for two courses simultaneously, watching two television series at the same time, trying to explore more about this new gadget, talking more than usual with some of my old friends because it is their holiday time too, spending more time on facebook because i can, writing my lesson plans as well as planning a few things for my students for the upcoming year. And yes of course, writing this blog. Strange that right after i joined my  place of work i had  this post where i mentioned that i might not be able to write too much from then on yet i must try and continue writing atleast four posts a month because i have something in my mind. Surprisingly i did more than that and in fact my posts in this year are the most. The year that i have remained the busiest. This in turn has also helped me understand that maybe i like writing more than i thought. I simply love to put down my thoughts and gather th...

A few days back I went to Delhi along with a co-teacher and eight students for an inter DPS competition. Our students participated in five onsite activities and four offline activities. 101 schools from all over India participated and overall it was an amazing exposure for both the students and the teachers. And I will repeat what i had said my students there ' we did not lose but we will win some other day '. I think when young teachers accompany students, students feel better because they always want someone they can share their thoughts and opinions with. And with young teachers they feel more comfortable. And so it happened here too. Apart from doing whatever I had to do as a teacher,  it was overall a good experience because I formed a bond with my students and it was my very first ' big trip ' [ to put it correctly ] with my students. Not to forget that half of the parents or maybe all did not hesitate to bluntly tell me ' oooo... you are a teacher, but you l...

From today onwards the Christmas vacation has started. And if you ask me i was longing for this, All my colleagues [ whether they accept it or not] are making plans to spend their holidays somewhere but I would rather stay here in my house than go somewhere else, I asked my mother if she has any thing on her mind but she said no and she wants nothing as long as she has her cell phone, television and kitchen . She does miss West Bengal but she has learned to cope with things i suppose and she does not complain too often now a days, I insisted her to watch some cooking on youtube but she refused because she believes her television has more to offer her, I can't argue here. The other day a newspaper man we are no more in touch with suddenly left a Bengali magazine at our door. My mother got angry but eventually i found her smiling as she went on turning the pages of the magazine. Today one of my colleagues came to our house in the evening to show some sarees that she has bought from ...

Long days, tough times at work and a lot many random thoughts- an amalgamation of all these factors together is taking away the ' no worries ' factor from my life. Adulting is tough. A combination of psychological and physical factors make it worse. When people ask you 'What is wrong? , you find yourself struggling for an answer. What are you supposed to tell them after all? Work life is not satisfactory or the fact that people around you don't share the same consciouness level like yours or are way too rude to do their work properly and not poke their nose in someone else's business. Managing two homes simultaneously even when it is not really required, at this age and dealing with domestic issues from so many miles away is nothing less than a torture. Or maybe- modern thinkers will ask me to term it as a challenge? They say " deal with it ", but am i not already doing that? What more, exactly? I am in such a position where i can't even share what is...

Well, well. I am pretty excited to write today since this is my first blog post from my personal laptop. I finally got one. A few days back I received my scholarship that i once applied for , around two years back and i wasted no time in getting myself a laptop. I have always dreamt about this super cozy winter night when i will be blogging using my own stuff. It feels really great. So this year three dreams came true [ and i thank God for that ]. I always wanted to get a job before completing my education and always wanted to work outside my state. That happened. I wanted to board an airplane [ my first ride ] along with my mother with my own money. That happened. I got my own laptop now. I also completed my masters. That makes it four. Don't know why should I forget the last one. Today was a day filled with surprises. I got three things delivered to my address all at once. The best being a Harry Potter kit. It was a gift. It had a Gryffindor school bag, a Hogwarts purse, a memen...

Seems like mental illnesses are a trend now. Attention seekers often make themselves a victim of some non existing mental illness just because they want a special treatment from others, or feel like standing out if they do so or simply because their favourite celebrity claimed to have been diagnosed by it. Truth is , there is no proper diagnosis for mental trauma. And it hurts me to see people faking it because there are people with genuine issues who would much rather live a life free from such depression. A person who really wants to commit suicide will never tell to the world or threaten his or her loved ones with their pre declaration of the suicide plan. Similarly a person suffering from severe depression won't always be sad around people to get that attention. And anyway no person is a better kickass than someone who is always determinedly ready to rise from the ashes. Because it calls for courage, a lot of courage.

The birthday went surprisingly okay. I started getting calls from 21st eve. But obviously the midnight calls matter the most. It shows that there are still people who are excited about your birthday or maybe simply they care to make you happy. It feels good. Even I participate in making the birthday of my friends special. I think that is what life is about. Doing for others and yourself. Being selfish just makes one lonlier. Being lonely is sad and tough. I know this phase too. I really miss evening hangouts and walks. My mom is not always ready for such kind of stuff. We have a roof in our present place and I find it so very beautiful. But my mother does not allow me to go there often. It ain't that I cannot go. But it is a little isolated. And at night it is both more beautiful and more isolated and that is exactly what makes it more tempting to me. It gets a little lonlier after i come back from school because mother has different interests from mine. So she spends her time watc...

Last week was so hectic. A pile of unwanted work just fell on my shoulders. Even few minutes before doing those stuffs, I was not sure if I will be able to do it. The feeling was even worse since I had a hard time sleeping a sound sleep. But now it is all over. And what matters to me is that I gave my 100% in it. There are basically so many things that one got to keep doing to survive the arena socially. Let's see how long I can maintain it. Things just keep getting tougher. The other reason why I am writing today is because of a good friend of mine who recently lost her pet dog. She asked me to write about her pet dog ' Rex ' and I will try to. Priya, let me share something with you today. When I was in class 4, I went to my uncle's house during summer vacation and was extremely delighted and scared to see a baby German Shepherd in his house. But as time went by I started spending more time with him. His name was Mac. And we became good friends. The day I was coming ba...

After all the chaos, when someone actually asks you to open up and speak, you feel good.I usually don't like sharing too personal stuffs but it is not that bad either. Most people like to see you suffer. But people who really love you and care for you, they always stand by you no matter what. After a week with my morbid mood I finally feel happy. It feels like I am not the only one who feels differently about almost anything. There are others like me too and it is okay to not feel okay all the time. Friend, when I will meet you next i will give you the long, long hug that is due for a long time now. I will discuss Karl Marx, Murakami and Kafka with you over a cup of coffee. I will talk about the achievements that has been already added to both of our buckets and about lessons we have learned from all our mistakes and judgments. We will talk about how young we still are and how ambition and knowledge does not always add up the math of making us happier. I would love to have endless ...

People say " Don't try my patience ". And finally i get this for real. How many times can a person overlook the mean, selfish nature of another person? Some morons just confirm the FACT that cold blooded creatures are for real who pollute the environment by their lack of responsibility. This is the second time in my life that I have felt so disgusted by anyone. I want to close my eyes and mind and not overlook any fucking shit of anyone whatsoever from now on. Let such people suffer, for they deserve to.

Tagore once said Kadambari Devi, " Tumi thakleo, ami eka " ( Despite having you, I am lonely ). Exactly what I feel very often. Surrounded by people, but there is this hollowness. It is empty. Talking about things that hardly matter. Because there is simply noone to talk with if you REALLY want to talk. Engaging in trifles because one got to live anyway. I am not even tired. I think it is something beyond that. The gusto is missing. It feels horribly empty. No amount of anything makes me happy. The more I read about God, the more it puzzles me. Makes me angry. But one usually gets angry on things that has some existence. I don't even know who I am being so angry on? If it is God, where is he? He is not calming me down. But the thought that he won't eventually calms me down. When I see families on road walking happily, i wonder how? So temporary it is but one probably has to accept dois particular phase in a lifetime. Where does all these rules come from? Why do we hav...

It has increasingly become a little difficult for me to confide with all the rules and regulations of my mother. After 18,I was out of my house and since then for the next five years, that is to say, till i completed my third semester of Masters i have been living on my own. My father send me money every month. But it was never enough to meet all my needs. More than that I think it was my want to save and reach a certain amount in my bank account which no one knew about. So i took my own classes, gave tuitions,skipped meals and sometimes ate only biscuits to suffice me for the rest of the day. Life was difficult but I was free. Ain't that what I am supposed to be? Now with my mom living with me I am in a routine, i am more disciplined, I get my regular healthy food but I am a little within bounds. Difficult for most Indians to digest what I am telling. Because this is supposed to mean heaven for most Indians. Even I remember complaining myself about how jealous I felt of my classma...

The pain is still there. It gives a choking sensation often. But I have learned to let things pass. I have learned to work with that bad feeling. And now I smile. It has become a habit. Maybe a good habit. Except for sometimes when some tell me to open the mask. The point is I don't want to. I have spend too long a time with that mask on . I know it is a mask but I can't get rid of it. I don't know whether it is at all good to feel things and not react. I escape. From places. People. Memories. Thoughts. I have emotionally distanced myself from the two most important people in my life. They perhaps realize it. I am sadly not brave enough to end my painful existence. But I am good enough to show others I am okay. Things are fine. And as long as that works for others, it shall work for me too. As T.S Eliot once said in his " Preludes " - "I am moved by fancies that are curled Around these images, and cling: The notion of some infinitely gentle Infinitely sufferi...

Delhi Public School, Chhatarpur arranged for an educational trip for classes 1-7 on 26th of October 2018.. Each class had two to three teachers accompanying them. I was asked to accompany class 7 for the Jhansi trip along with five other teachers. Our allotted school bus arrived at 6.30 A.M and we reached the stadium by 6.50 a.m. The stadium was the meeting point for both students and teachers. Once we reached the stadium I saw it was all crowded with students, their parents and teachers. The smile on everyones face clearly showed how excited we all were. Finally we started our journey at 8A.M. There were two buses allotted for the Jhansi trip. I was with class 7B. As we headed towards our destination the excitement grew with students and teachers playing Antakshari and sharing different stories. Then we stopped at a dhaba to have food and eventually reached the museum which was our first destination. Before entering the museum we were clearly instructed to not use more than one cell p...

Social media is an extension of my personality, socially. The reason why it is called social. Even this blog is a part of my social life and what happens to me on the surface. Stop comprehending my personal life. Personally noone knows me. My mother is the only one who knows me personally, still she knows nothing. Imagine that. My friends know how, when and why about my image but nothing more because i don't want them too. So whatever step i take on social media is a very calculated one. Don't assume you know me too well. I don't want you to, after all. Why are people so much concerned about what is happening in someone else's life personally? Whatever is personal, should remain that way. The other day someone told me " your relationship status is public, should not that be personal ? ". And that is probably the dumbest thing i have ever heard. My relationship is personal. But my relationship status need not be. Where on earth have I come?

I know the different kinds of insecurity that people have. As a consequence of these insecurities some people just want to humiliate, some others tend to forget that they are yet to see so much. Age matters after all. And some assume that they are way too smarter than others while in reality they are the ones people laugh at behind their backs. Once sir told me, " The more the rumours about you, the more grateful you should be to God. Because that means that people are actually investing their time on you- good or bad ". Today this memory just brought a smile on my face. I wish sir i could tell you in person, that how i desire half of what they gossip about me were true. And also some people so want to see me alone because they want me to crawl back to them. And from this instinct comes their need to make stories about me and tell them to others so that others form a wrong opinion about me. But since I know who is behind what, it just makes me hate them more. Strangely, stude...

Now people are more curious about my being possessive about things. There is some extremely happy news then. There is not one thing but there are a few things I have always been possessive about. Let me write about them, then. The first one to top the list are my books. And why I am possessive about them? Because almost all the books that are in my possession now, are books that were given to me by people who mean the world to me. People who love me know well that only books can directly touch my heart. So my books are not just my possessions they are also texts with handwritten messages from people who gifted it to me. Just like new year cards. A few more books which I have in my possession are books that I bought with the money that I saved during my hostel days, and with the money that I earned from giving tuitions to students. These set of books I am possessive about because they gave me company at a time when I needed it. Now ofcourse I so wish that all those lovely books that I h...

After a chronic period of illness, alas i still can't claim that I am perfectly fit. I an still coughing till my eyes are becoming red.But this post ain't about that. Because a human with a body is supposed to fall sick. The post is about my first time experience inside a flight. It was special not only because it was my mom's as well as my first time but also because the tickets were from my own earning. My father used to say that there is a difference between boarding a plane because of your parents and making your parents sit inside a plane on account of your hard work and earnings. The smile on my mother's face said it all. I missed my father that day. 1st of October 2018 would have been so different if you were there but I am sure you are smiling and blessing me from wherever you are, as always. Your laughter and your words, the way you called me with your given name to me is all so fresh in my mind, my heart. I wonder how do people move on? I have not. Or maybe I ...

Here is to one of the longest days in my life. Running around useless people to get the work done. O by useless people I mean morons twice my age. Never mind. This is a part of the work experience I never looked forward to. And students, well they always expect you to be superhuman and want your attention all the time. Did I not tell my readers that teaching is the most difficult job in the world because no matter what you feel and how you feel you are supposed to deliver it all well. If you take a leave students will ask you " why" as if they are in charge of your life. Do i ever ask my students about their life? Then why are they so interested in exploring the personal details of someone. Not just that but also misbehaving at the same time. Back in Kolkata, atleast students know how to behave and give the due respect a teacher deserves and not question why did they make a certain choice. Teaching is my job and that does not mean that I am readily available all the time. I a...

Today was one of those days when I had the time and mood to watch a good movie and I finally watched The Castaway. Useless to tell that Tom Hanks nailed his character as always. But more than that there were so many other things that I fell in love with in this movie. The graphics, the costume, the direction and location were not only perfect for the modern adaptation of Defoe's Crusoe but all quite sufficiently was able to echo the quest of an existentialist and the hopelessness of an absurdist. The man god relation or the man nature relation could not have been better portrayed with all its zeal. Nature has its own ways to tell us that we are nothing but playthings to her. From being in an airplane to being on a lonely island with noone around, not even wild animals not only brings out the atom of the horror of a perfect nightmare but also makes us realize how things can change so fast within a matter of a few minutes such that a man can and is forced to drink just like an animal...

Yesterday when my colleagues came to my house, I tried making tea. It turned out to be a complete disaster. And I felt bad. Not for them. But for myself. I locked myself up in my room and started watching youtube videos to make basic items like sooji. And then i went to the kitchen with all the dramatic ideas in my mind thinking now I will make some good food and mummy will be happy. But then my first attempt was a waste again because i burned the entire sooji. The second attempt was okay since my mother helped me out. But I was not satisfied. Because it was not solely by me. Hence today morning i tried it out again and I did it. I finally did it. And I took it to school. I made it for a colleague who reminds me of my father and he appreciated my food. Mission accomplished. This was the first thing I wanted to share. The second thing that makes me write this is my pity and hatred for and towards people who think they are the best, despite not being that. I mean how much pride can such ...

It was another good day. Away from work and stuff. How i like it?! And exploring more of a new place with a friend is exactly what can light up an otherwise boring day. It was a work related thing that my friend and I went out for but since nothing worked out, we ended up walking and me exploring. We came across a small pond and since I am a little dreamy and like such stuffs, I loved it. I am sure my friend was bored to death but he too ended up taking some pictures of that pond. Then we walked. He had his food and we went to two shopping malls where my friend bought a giant size umbrella for him. He told me that he wanted an umbrella that could cover his ass and so he bought that. And then we came back to a small tea stall by the road. Street tea and a little talking with the owner of the tea stall made my friend decide that he will give away his old umbrella to someone in need. The man in the tea stall obviously being his first choice but when asked for the man said that he had an u...

I believe that good times pass and bad times too. The joy that i feel today will not last long but I don't regret for I had a good day today. There were basically two reasons. The second reason is what makes me write my blog now. A class three kid whom i call chocolate pudding gave me a card and a letter today. In the letter she wrote ( and i will type exactly what she has written except for a few spellings). So it goes like this " Respected Kamalika ma'am You are a friendly, peaceful, honest and a good teacher. You are my role model. Whatever and whenever you do anything, you never do it in pressure. You always do it with your mind and choice, like whenever there is no teacher in the bus and all say ma'am you have to stay but you don't stay, in this it your choice. I have never think that you are a teacher but I always think that you are my friend. You are really a hard working teacher and woman. Thanks. " Folks just avoid the grammatical errors for it is a l...

The weather in M.P is all cool due to heavy downpour and I can't be more thankful to God about it. It is a welcoming change except for the ' no electricity when it rains' which is a part of the package. Yesterday night as I sat by the window of my room I could not stop myself from thinking of the different lives that people live in different places. Often when you move by a place and you are inside a train, you get to see villages and you can't stop yourself from thinking how the place looks like when it rains there. There comes a sense of longing with it. To be united with nature. I always wondered how the places might be which are just next to a railway track. And today i stay in a house which is right next to it. It is no different. With the trains often passing by it,it just helps one feel that one too is a part of the journey. The wheels, the horn of the train makes the experience so lively and the rain that accompanies it often, is so equal for all of us. The rain...

Even the worst of days can make you smile. Today was obviously a very bad day at work but I came back to see a lovely written work by one of my ex- students who is now in Delhi. I always knew he was different. Today I am sure he is. I am not allowed to disclose names but I am so proud of him. Keep up with the good work and your perspective of life. Someday I might see you as a director of some film. And trust me, I won't be surprised. I have seen that suffering poet in you. That passion to get shattered emotionally and then rise. Not just that I also remember how you indirectly made me realize that a good student is not one who criticizes a teacher but is one who understands and accept a teacher even behind the teacher's back. Thank you so much. If only I could meet you in the next one year i could share with you how some of my present students think that I like getting flattered by unnecessary compliments. You would have laughed even at the possibility of such a situation at h...

It is one year today since you passed away. I still remember all the promises that I made to you just before burning your body. And trust me papa, I have been able to live up to those and I have got so much more to do within the next one year. A lot many problems had been solved, a lot many yet to be dealt with. Life has changed so much. I wish you could answer me one question though. You asked your daughter to dream big, to soar high. But you never told her how to do it without your emotional support. It is hard. I am still looking forward to a few projects in this upcoming year. Will I be able to do it? Of course my friends and family members think that I can just like I have so far. They tell me that I am too strong. And yes they are right. I am. I never knew i was. But since your death I have realized I am. I have been to hospital once after your death. I remember everyone crying for me because I had a terrible breakdown. But i remember my own thoughts. I remember telling myself on...

My class eight students are all suddenly hyped about LGBTQ. They just want to know about it. Why? Because they find it funny. Or maybe because one student is prompting others to ask me questions related to this because that student probably belongs to this LGBTQ group and is either too young to realize that or too shy to accept that. Or maybe thinks that the teacher ( which is me) is rather too dumb and too good to understand that. Like you have all my attention if you speak up about your problem. Duh.Never mind. It is not as dumb as people who think that supporters of LGBTQ causes also belong to that group. There is a difference. Sadly India is still a country which has a long, long way to go when it comes to the rainbow movement. And narrow mentality is common to the masses, leave alone kids of 12 or 13 years of age who hardly know what sexual orientation is all about. Being a liberal teacher is hard. Students take you for granted very often and think that they are smart enough to c...

I think I must tell all my readers to do three things absolutely without hesitation. Firstly enjoy isolated rain after midnight like I did today. You don't need to get yourself drenched. One can always enjoy it with a good mind and vigilant eyes. Secondly Enjoy isolated company. Once you know how, you will know why and remember it is like a drug. Thirdly, live. Not for survival but for living. If you live , the good moments will make your heart squirm and the bad moments will make you suffer but help you emerge as a better human. Tried and tested. It is almost one in the morning and I got to wake up early too. Job life kind of drains you. Never mind.

I saw some old posts on facebook and i can't tell you how much I suddenly miss GMGC and all those beautiful memories that it gave me. Third year still remains so, so, so close to my heart. I know we are all busy with our lives now. And I feel happy that my group is doing well. I know we are not in touch anymore the way we should have been but as long as I have my mind with those good moments in it,you people will remain. Aaleya, you are still one of those people I so admire. I learned so much from you and you were a good friend. Shine more, do well. And you will always remain my first and probably last, woman crush ( chuckles). Madhulina, I don't know where are you and what you are doing. Actually i know ;) But we have had some crazy moments together and we were tied by an invisible rope by Esp ma'am right from the beginning. I miss you so, so much. But things change and so do people and relations. But noone can take away what is already done. Keep up with the dance of your...

When you have a busy schedule all you wait for is a proper way to spend your Sunday. Usually it is very boring because we kind of do the same things every Sunday but today was a little different. I had my students coming in my house. All of them were laughing, playing and I joined them. What was even better was that one of these students was a Bengali and her parents came too to pay us a visit. My mother was very happy because she hardly gets to speak with a Bengali here. And also contrary to the isolation that this place offers us, it was all merry and cheerful today. Temporary reliefs are good. Isn't it?

I started getting messages from people in Kolkata. They kind of know that I write on every Sunday and if I miss there must be some reason behind it. Exactly what prompts me to write now at this late hour. I could not write last Sunday. I was busier with no electricity working from five in the evening to midnight.Things are going the way one would expect them to in a place like this. Grateful that I have my mother here to give me company and being pragmatic, i am more grateful to her for making my daily meals. Those hostel days were so tough without you ma. The more I work the more I know that I need someone and I will need some to share my household work with in the future. Is that why people get married??? I don't know. But getting back to home and not feeling the emptiness is so damn important to me. Whether its my mom, or a ten year old kid or someone of my age from a different country- I always feel the need of spending sometime after work with them, anyone of them. And sometim...

Since life is all about learning and my blog is named after it, i will share a little thing that happened with me in the morning today. Today I had to approach our music teacher, a very pretty and sweet lady named Kritika, for my Tuesday's schedule and she helped me in turn by cheering up my mood, unknowingly. We were singing and playing the synthesiser. Enjoying the moment. Almost like kids. Among the many songs that we played and sung, " Jingle Bells" and " Silent night " were two of them. I was reminded about my school days. Those Christmas days and nights spend in Michael's. O, how i miss those bygone days! Music truly is the medicine for the soul.

I have always dreamt of an isolated existence. Peaceful isoloated existence. And now i am getting the feel slowly. The place I live in can't be more solitary. It is calm and quiet.My mother complains often. Because she is acquainted with hustle bustle of the city life way too much. I on the other hand find it okay. Especially on bad days at work. How? Why? Because my mother and I usually go out for a walk everyday at 8 'o' clock in the evening. We take rounds in the colony itself. Every single day around this time we see an old man with his granddaughter of hardly two years taking a round with us. He sings lullaby to her and i feel mentally drowsy with all my physical exhaustion. But that again makes me feel alive.That despite all the bad things and people and situations, life is still good in its essence. That all the bad things are a part of life. Are a part of what makes life worth living for. Without a little pain nothing seems good. Isn't it? To my surprise i have ...

A week since I returned to MP. Right after our arrival my mother and I found ourselves in the midst of work. The house was all dirty and it needed a bad cleaning. The food was not much of a problem because we already had a few stuffs remaining.All we had to do was make some rice and dal for dinner. But before that I helped my mother to clean up the drawing room, the kitchen and our bedroom. Then each of us took a shower. Once it was done we had some tea. At around 8 'o' clock my mother prepared our dinner. We ate our dinner by 9 and went to sleep for I had my classes from the very next day itself. The next day after I came back from school i fell sick. From that day till yesterday morning I hardly had any peaceful sleep. I was tired, had too many thoughts regarding the syllabus running inside my mind, and more. Finally I had some proper sleep yesterday night because I had no such thing as ' will have to wake up at 6.30a.m tomorrow'. And now that I finally have some free...

I just finished with Supernatural season 13 and my world is falling apart. I already want five more seasons of Supernatural for the next one or two months. Fun fact is I tried going really slow with this series because I did not want it to end but alas it has. I will miss you Supernatural. It was a wonderful experience to be a part of this family. And it was not just about the show. It was about the concept of hell, heaven, angels, demons, God, smaller gods, demi gods, Lucifer and all that love and strength that popped up in my head whenever the phrase ' The Road so far' appeared on screen. Some say that there is nothing that you can possibly learn from this series. Well firstly, I started watching this to get over Breaking Bad and not to learn something. Also because I realized that House Of Cards and GOT is not going to work for me. Secondly, this series is shooting for its 14th Season already. Guys who know about television series will know what an achievement this is for a ...

The best part being that people are jealous of the youth. Everything fresh that being young can promise you. And hence one is in greater danger if one is younger. But as they say '...you will learn'. Yes, I am learning and will learn more. I am learning that jealousy is a common trend. A fragile emotion that can spoil relations and damage stupid heads. Avoid such people. They are harmful. Simply strike them off from your life and go on with your daily work.I am learning that in this world if you manage to get a mentor then that is a possession to be treasured forever, otherwise there is always a second alternative. That is learning the hard way, alone. I am learning that life is unpredictable and so do not ever plan or work out too strategically. Psychological peace is more important and the journey ain't easy. I am learning that there are too many useless people who try to just poke in their nose anyhow, anywhere just to take control over a situation. Like dude, do you eve...

My mom is like " You are glued to your phone all the time ". The best part about this sentence being I am being scolded for this at a time when most parents who fall in my mom's league are already tired of telling their kids this dialogue. What does this reflect? Obviously that i have been a considerably non tech and hence less disturbing girl; yes it is the reference for my ambivert nature. But who will tell my mom that all my articles, journals, newspapers, books ( pdfs), weird stuffne important documents, dark secrets, social life resides in the phoone. Right inside it. And all those super engaging television series?? What about that. I am not glued to my cell phone mommy, I am just glued to my work.

When students ask you, " Ma'am tell us about the man of your dreams ". Well surprisingly , you just smile and don't answer them. Is it about a boyfriend? Or it can be a man that you admire ? Or a man you envy? Or given the fact that I am not a lesbian, can it be a woman of my dreams? These are questions that I have been analyzing myself. My boyfriend is not the man of my dreams because he is humble and human and our minds sync a lot. And hence we are together. There are men I admire and envy. But they are nowhere close to the above concept. A woman - well I can name two who inspire me a lot. But the word ' dreams ' is tricky here. My dreams are my own. And I don't have a man or a woman who can fulfill them. I am the woman of my own dreams. I love myself the way noone can ever love. So yes, that answers your question.

Some people are too controlling. As in they think they are very domineering but they are just plain rude and want to control other peoples life because they are otherwise silly, useless people who think that they are smart. Like for example if C is this rude person I am talking about then how would C try to control the life of say A ?! Well by stalking A and all the whereabouts of A as much as C can and then try to be more friends with A's friends and when C would still see A carrying on happily, C would be angry, jealous and will behave savage with A. Why? Because C is a loser. But remember what makes C worse than a loser is the fact that C is too stubborn and blockheaded to accept that C is a loser. What more? West Bengal just welcomed me back. P.S - Mail me personally to discuss psychology. And also let's not talk about C anymore. I guess I just made a point. I should not waste more of my precious time.

Have often written two posts in a day, but three ?! well this is the first time and since life has forced me to become flexible to changes both good and bad, this new change is so acceptable and even better since I finally have some free time to write and comment on things I like and dislike and also everything in between. So now my mother just passed on a comment today while we were dining. She told me ' you are becoming too professional '. Now why I am writing about this? Because I found this too untrue. I am learning to be professional but becoming too much of a professional isn't true. Usually my emotions don't work too much and sometimes when they do, I am just overwhelmed. But now that I have become more practical, I talk to the point more than I ever did. While analysing her statement I also realized that I have this sense of haste working inside me. I don't know what I am running for or from but again I know why and life appears too short for anything now. E...

Some three or four years back, I remember I went out with my father to have some ' fuchka' one day. He was wearing this loose shirt, that lay tucked out with the first two buttons open and a faded grey trouser. Now this is exactly the look I hate to see men in and so the quarrel between my father and me was inevitable. By the time we reached the ' fuchka' stall I was angry and to top it all I had people there whom i knew would despise like me , that look of my father. I was a little embarassed to even get down his scooty but then I did and those people were staring at my father and how I hated that moment because I was a senior to them in school and somewhere I felt that maybe after that day they will not see me the way they used to. And let me tell you, that happened too. I came back with my father that day, all angry and embarassed. Today when I look back and think about that day and all of it comes back to me, I still feel angry and a little embarassed maybe. But it ...

She painted her blood redder everyday Outwardly she looked like a woman, strong and smiling, with red lips, ready to kiss She was a master, no mistress But of what????? ' ummm', ' wait...' Yes..... PAIN Not inside that red room...But to her red Soul She was RED The red that is good, bad and FOUL

Last month on 13th I moved to Madhya Pradesh and since then so many changes have taken place in my life. My new school , where I work now, has provided my mother and me a descent place to live in. My mother complains about it all the time because we share our bunglaw with an Egyptian who stays upstairs and is almost of my age. But he is a peace loving guy and is nowhere close to our Indian neighbours who live in the house next to ours. But he is a guy and my mother has a problem. We are in India, you see.The school is at a ten minutes distance from our place by bus. The school bus comes to pick us up on every week day at seven 'o' clock sharp. The insomniac me is a little restless now because I wake up really early now a days and even earlier now that the summer camp is on. I teach English and SST to classes four, five and six in school. I am the mentor of the public speaking course in English and Personality development, in the summer camp program now. The best part is I am le...

Summer heat and moving out of state is always a bad combination. Even the AC compartments feel like boiling pans. So was my unplanned sudden short trip to Madhya Pradesh. I normally sleep little, the AC compartment although comfortable made it impossible for me to get some shut eye ,at all. I wonder how do some people manage to stay inside an AC room for a long period at a stretch. Or maybe I am just too grounded. Not just that, the train to MP was delayed by some six hours and on our way back to West Bengal, I fell considerably ill. Sleep rescued me ultimately back at home, you see. I wish I could sleep more. I also wonder if that day is going to come anytime sooner. Now that I am back in my hometown after a long time, it feels a little relaxing. Things aren't the way they used to be earlier as i must have mentioned in my other posts, but it is still home and more home for a regular hostelite. Those same evenings in my roof, the same familiar Durgapur breeze and those forever old ...

Last to last Monday our professor tried to explain in context of some poem of how we connect ourselves to characters mainly protagonists of a novel or a film or a play. And from what I gathered from her opinions, it was more like connecting more towards female characters if one is a woman, and likewise male characters if one is a man. I remember her giving the class the example of 'Pride and Prejudice.' She said that ' did not we all feel like Elizabeth Bennet while reading the book.' Some nodded in favour of an yes from what I remember. But mine was a clear no. I connected more with Mr. Darcy right from the beginning and that took me back to the end of my second year days when I had just started writing my blog and I clearly remember dedicating one blog post to the character 'Mr. Darcy' of ' Pride and Prejudice' and discussing on how I so identified with the character. So many years have passed and I still feel the same way. Seriously, sometimes when I ...