Painful memories

Some three or four years back, I remember I went out with my father to have some ' fuchka' one day. He was wearing this loose shirt, that lay tucked out with the first two buttons open and a faded grey trouser. Now this is exactly the look I hate to see men in and so the quarrel between my father and me was inevitable. By the time we reached the ' fuchka' stall I was angry and to top it all I had people there whom i knew would despise like me , that look of my father. I was a little embarassed to even get down his scooty but then I did and those people were staring at my father and how I hated that moment because I was a senior to them in school and somewhere I felt that maybe after that day they will not see me the way they used to. And let me tell you, that happened too. I came back with my father that day, all angry and embarassed. Today when I look back and think about that day and all of it comes back to me, I still feel angry and a little embarassed maybe. But it just struck me that there were days when I badly wanted some 'fuchka' and my father took me to the fuchka stall not asking once why and not even hesitating to pay the money while he ate none. I shamelessly ate all of it, I agree but maybe he wanted to have it too but he did not. You see I have told you before I have seen days of poverty and today when I think of this second instance I feel the pain. He was my father and he isn't there with me today. You would have been so very proud of your daughter today.I have many worries now but money isn't one of them. I am grateful to God for that. But there is this big empty hole in my mind and no one can fill that up because you made it that way. No matter how much I want to talk with you now, I know you cannot be there for me. You just can't. I cannot get that physical presence and that warmth. If you are really watching me from somewhere high above, let me tell you, you will smile from there for a long time now. And your wife, well she is crazy like me. She is always quarreling with me. She is irritated with Madhya Pradesh and sometimes very very happy. But i have kept her busy. She misses you. But I have made her strong and she is busy with the sign of love you left behind for her. Obviously I am talking about me :) Miss you Babu.