Infinitely suffering thing

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The pain is still there. It gives a choking sensation often. But I have learned to let things pass. I have learned to work with that bad feeling. And now I smile. It has become a habit. Maybe a good habit. Except for sometimes when some tell me to open the mask. The point is I don't want to. I have spend too long a time with that mask on . I know it is a mask but I can't get rid of it. I don't know whether it is at all good to feel things and not react. I escape. From places. People. Memories. Thoughts. I have emotionally distanced myself from the two most important people in my life. They perhaps realize it. I am sadly not brave enough to end my painful existence. But I am good enough to show others I am okay. Things are fine. And as long as that works for others, it shall work for me too. As T.S Eliot once said in his " Preludes " - "I am moved by fancies that are curled Around these images, and cling: The notion of some infinitely gentle Infinitely suffering thing. "

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