For it matters

-
Last week was so hectic. A pile of unwanted work just fell on my shoulders. Even few minutes before doing those stuffs, I was not sure if I will be able to do it. The feeling was even worse since I had a hard time sleeping a sound sleep. But now it is all over. And what matters to me is that I gave my 100% in it. There are basically so many things that one got to keep doing to survive the arena socially. Let's see how long I can maintain it. Things just keep getting tougher. The other reason why I am writing today is because of a good friend of mine who recently lost her pet dog. She asked me to write about her pet dog ' Rex ' and I will try to. Priya, let me share something with you today. When I was in class 4, I went to my uncle's house during summer vacation and was extremely delighted and scared to see a baby German Shepherd in his house. But as time went by I started spending more time with him. His name was Mac. And we became good friends. The day I was coming back from my uncle's house, I cried buckets because I did not want to leave Mac behind. The fact that I still remember each and everything about Mac pretty much says it all. And to top it all I too lost Mac very soon after i left the place. As i said, I was in class 4. Imagine the mental trauma I had been through then. As a kid I took the decision of staying away from pets. It is hard to lose the only friend you think can understand you. At present I am super scared of dogs and maintain distance from them as you might well know it. I also hate street dogs when they bark too much and scare the hell out of me. I met Rex only three or four times but he did his job well by scaring me that too from the bed where he was kept whenever extremely " courageous " people like me entered your house. I remember you telling me " Kamalika, come upstairs now. You are behaving like my students ". Well, well. Now that I look back and think about it I laugh. I would probably do the same even now if there is any dog near me. But that day when it was just you and me at your house, we had Rex too. Maybe he was protecting the mistress and the house. Or the first time when we all went to your house I remember Rex standing on the bed and barking. While we all were peeping from the other room to see why, how , what and where. The adjoining balcony of the two rooms was good as long it was just us but suddenly Rex came and one of our classmates instead of closing the door of the room we were all in , opened it out of nervousness and then we all had to together push and close the door , in a typically Potter way to keep Rex away. And all of us had a good laugh after that. Remember? Not just that. That very day, when Sangeeta was happily dressing infront of the mirror of the room and Rex suddenly was on floor and Sangeeta came running to our room, we all could not stop laughing . Those days ! I think we could not have enjoyed so much if it was not for Rex. And you thought I did not know him much. He was and is there. And i will repeat what I had said " as long as we have memories, the loss is never total ". Cheer up Priya,for the white body with black spots will never leave you. But will make you smile. Being physically close is what you will miss but memories are stronger. You have, have, have to live with that. And text me whenever you need me. I am there as I have always been friend. Lastly, I am afraid that my birthday is approaching again. Last year it was horrendous and every year since 19 it has always been lonely despite everything and everyone around me. It is probably because you expect too much from a day and those expectations reach a saturation point and it becomes difficult to handle all the mixed up emotions. And you eventually end up sulking in one corner of the room hoping that this universe could help you skip this one day from your life. I hate the feeling of emptiness. It is bearable on other days. I just want to close my eyes and let all things pass. I guess there is no other day in the calendar when existentialin strikes me very hard. Signing off.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Kadambari Devi's Suicide note

-
A few days back i finished reading 'Kadambari Devi's Suicide note',by Ranjan Banerjee and though it struck odd notes in many places(my opinion),it definitely falls into the category of the must read books,especially if you want to explore Tagore's world.Most intellectuals or want to be intellectuals, appreciate Tagore for his modern outlook,but appreciating the modern aspects of a character or mind is vastly different from experiencing it first hand,and the process can be painful,like a morbid pleasure,it can be so addictive,that one does not want to come out of it, rather can't come out of it.This is exactly what happened with Kadambari Devi.A dilemma she was in because she was sapiosexual and was in love with her husband's brother,ROBI(Rabindranath Tagore).She was an exceptional talent but failed to realize it not just because of the environment that surrounded her but also because she loved Tagore with all her dreams and not just her life.An exceptionally unc...
Read more

Who says English is easy?

-
Who says English is easy?I honestly did not know how to pronounce Freud-it was confusing,until one day one of my schoolmates corrected me,indirectly and since then I know that I need to pronounce it as FROYED and not FREEEEEUD.Lets take an easy example-COW;a person not knowing the English alphabets may pronounce it as CO,because the W in itself is a two syllabic word(if we consider it's spelling),so people can be mistaken and they can pronounce it as Co and then W but it's real pronunciation is CAUU.Another simple example can be the word MORE.Judged from the spelling,it should sound as MOR-E,with a clear emphasis on E,but in English we don't do that because the E becomes silent.The same goes for the word LATE because we don't pronounce it as LATE-E.Confusion persists in the pronounciation of A as well.It becomes difficult for us to contemplate if we should pronounce A as we normally do,when we follow the English alphabetical chart or should we pronounce it as Aaaaa.So w...
Read more

Ranting is allowed

-
Image
Ten years since 2013. The year when I stepped into my college. A new world, a new culture and a completely new environment with new faces. College felt numb and so did my P. G. Always thought of holidays, felt happier when got them. Three months at a stretch sometimes. Holidays always meant an escape to my hometown, to my family. Now it's my mother and me and the idea of hometown does not excite me anymore. It's just a place where I survive and try to thrive. There is no escape even when there are plenty of options. Think I already know what hell might feel like.  With a deeper understanding of life, universe and humans, my mind has almost given up on the human civilization ( not to forget I don't like the street dogs crying and howling at night and continuing with it for one hour to say the least. Cockroaches and flying cockroaches appearing from almost nowhere). Elders bless us with a long life but they always fail to mention a blessed, carefree long life. Who wants to li...
Read more