It ain't easy

I started getting messages from people in Kolkata. They kind of know that I write on every Sunday and if I miss there must be some reason behind it. Exactly what prompts me to write now at this late hour. I could not write last Sunday. I was busier with no electricity working from five in the evening to midnight.Things are going the way one would expect them to in a place like this. Grateful that I have my mother here to give me company and being pragmatic, i am more grateful to her for making my daily meals. Those hostel days were so tough without you ma. The more I work the more I know that I need someone and I will need some to share my household work with in the future. Is that why people get married??? I don't know. But getting back to home and not feeling the emptiness is so damn important to me. Whether its my mom, or a ten year old kid or someone of my age from a different country- I always feel the need of spending sometime after work with them, anyone of them. And sometimes I don't. I won't allow anyone to get any closer to me, my life, my mind. I like keeping things personal and private when it comes to my other less known self. The same reason why people will find me smiling or laughing most of the times and they will hardly know that deep inside i am breaking, crying, fighting. Yes, I like it that way. I am contradicting myself here. I know. But that is what it is all about. Teaching is my job now. And it is so damn difficult when one is surrounded by people who don't like to learn. Who don't want to learn. But you got to do it anyway because as a child you had a dream and to achieve it you got to work your ass off. This job is just a means to that big dream. And I have learned that I am not the only one doing such kind of a thing, from a few conversations I had with people in the past few days. Aaah!!! It ain't easy.