learning and growing

It is almost the year end. I remember having high hopes for this year , last year around this time. Professionally some of them were fulfilled of course, but this year was the worst year for my personal self. Losing my father this year, was the greatest shock. Apart from that I was always personally disturbed and not just because of people, but also because of tricky situations God put me into. I had suffered healthwise and it was not just during the time when I was admitted in the hospital but also before that when I had severe problems with my throat and tooth, and also had allergic attacks. It was hard and then when I see people faking illness like for example dengue ( that being the most common in Kolkata), just for some sympathy from others, it pricks my tongue. Needless to say why. But then if someone asks me if I had learned anything this year, I would say yes. I have learned a lot. Let's just say right from my first year to my last year of my post graduation ( as in it is ...

Now there you guys, do you even know that that you need your Aadhar card for paid sex in Goa. Hohoho. There is nothing called private in our lives anymore and anyway I wonder, why do they need the Aadhar card for that? How can things become more legal and politically correct, when there are obvious loopholes in the system. The second thing that I would like to share today is that recently i have started following someones blog. And what I have discovered from the writing of that person is that, both of us have a similar view and attitude towards the outside world. We had had similar experiences in the past too. This world is way too small and I admire women who have such broad perspectives. HOPING sincerely for a new chain of communication to blossom. Yours sincere admirer.Hehe ;)

The age of instant knowledge is GREAT. We get to see our favourite movies as soon as it is released, comfortably, inside our house,on our sofas, without going to the theatres unless absolutely necessary. But I miss those days when new movies were eagerly waited for their release in the cinemas. I remember waiting eagerly for each Harry Potter movie. Of course, now that all of it is readily available at the tip of your fingers, things are obviously more convenient. But a part of me still and will always long for those days. Though I don't feel quite the same for television series because I would love to watch all hundred episodes in a day if possible and would again get ready for the next hundred, the very next day. And the other thing that bothers me equally is the quick instant photography which we can avail for ourselves if we have good smart phones. Not surprising that it is the age of selfies. But again I miss those days when photos were preserved for a special occasion like a...

Well, well...my fascination for Gopal or Lord Krishna is increasing day by day. My desire to keep a mud made Gopal is increasing too. My mother tells me not to overreact about it but damn it, I want a sweet cute 'Gopal' for me. Religion demands a lot of care and concern for a 'gopal' if one wants to keep it at home and worship it. May God help me resist my temptation for it.Sigh. On the other hand, it worries me to see my mother becoming hyperactive. I mean, she was never the lazy sort of housewife busy watching television serials and instructing housekeepers, but now she has become more than active in whatever she does. If that is her way of forgetting what had hit our family in the recent past, I am okay with it. And if not, then as I said, I am worried. My schedule is active too. Recently there is this thing that happened with me. I remember it was my birthday and a classmate of mine I usually talk with not only not wish me verbally, but behaved rudely with me on m...

Phew! What a day! I was dead scared about the fact that today too, the bank, the post office, the college and the university will delay all my work. But thankfully nothing as such happened and all was done smoothly. I posted some five letters, because both my personal life and my professional life demands that from me now. I also find joy in writing letters. Though direct communication instantly, is deferred but it is good to experience it. It has that retro charm to it. And as far as the professional writing is concerned, by now I am a pro in writing all the god damn it stuff. But the good thing is that once it is posted and delivered, they contact you via your email Id. The post office thing was my first work today. Going to the bank was my second. And I was just hoping for some miracle to take place and it did. The bank was almost empty, except for me and another elderly lady. And my work was done in a matter of ten minutes and I was happily out of the bank. All the bank related mat...

I promised myself that no matter what, I shall write today. I turned 23 today and the past few months were worse and it still is painful. I did not want to get out of my blanket today and all I wanted to do was give myself time. But eventually it did not happen. Keeping a proper attendance in college is must and so I dragged myself to college, did the titbits, had a few official things to deal with and then returned back home and went to sleep without any conversation with anyone. When I woke up, I saw a little birthday arrangement was made for me by my mother, cousin and aunt. Though I was in no mood I did what was expected of me and seeing them happy , I felt good. What made my day better was the first call that I got from Souvik at midnight and the way both my Mom and he sang for me together. Only your loved ones will know how it feels to have lost your father and wanting to hear his voice,singing for you. It is hard to accept that I won't hear it again but trust me, in my mind...

Do you know what is really 'a pain in the ass?'. Not getting what you deserve. The authorities are obviously ' with you', telling you that they will do all that is required but, but the higher authorities hold it back or they will only give you what you need after squeezing out all the energy, hope and enthusiasm you are left with. Let's face it. Education is damned. And so am I.

I do get things. Like for example, when you act like a friend but all you do secretly is compare and compete and letting your partner know that you are competing but there is no solid proof left behind because you do it wisely and you try to subtly shock or surprise your partner via your actions, make you smart, isn't? What makes your partner i.e me , smarter, is the way I rarely react to it. When life goals are different for different people, the only option left to you ( me, here) is to smile and let go. But since I like writing about things that I observe and enjoy and also not enjoy, I thought of putting this down as a message. I am sure the one in question will get it. I also get why some people are so bothered about you and your life that they don't forget to do things that they think might bother you or that THEY THINK, might make you jealous. Another message for a person like that- GROW UP. I also believe that one day soon, I will get in touch with a long lost personal ...

It is strange and wonderful when you can connect yourself to a person because of their writings. Words have the immense capacity to hit you in the right place. When I read an amazing book ,I don't feel alone, it is almost like having a romance with a writer, you have never met and have fewer possibilities of meeting in the near future unless you are very lucky. I have always wondered why J.K Rowling is J.K Rowling or Jhumpa Lahiri is Jhumpa Lahiri, or why Alice Walker is a beautiful poet, besides being a wonderful novelist. I wonder how simple ,easy words create magic and make you smile. Oh, wait. But all of it is a gift to all the gifted minds and not someone who demeans Literature. Sorry that you (and specifically you) don't understand the beauty of words, and remain in the deafening noise of machines that you find so welcoming every single day. Sorry that you can't explain how nice you feel about it because duh! you hate the magic of words. Yes, hate- a very strong word....

I have often mentioned Kolkata in my blog, and some posts are in fact dedicated to Kolkata. I hated this city despite the fact that I was born here, stayed here in the initial years of my life and despite it being my 'mamarbari'. I hated it in my college years when I could judge situations and places and the quiet that my hometown had offered me, all throughout, was and is still unbeatable. But as years passed by, I started feeling for Kolkata in a different way. True it always had things to annoy me, but then no place is perfect. I think I know when exactly I fell in love with Kolkata. It was since the day I started staying in my single room during my post graduation, took my regular lonely walks in and around my college, and that also included my often spending time in the Ramkrishna Mission in Bidhan Sarani, listening to ' 'Kirtans'. I felt independent in my own way. Somehow the narrow lanes, the sweet shops and ' tele bhajar Dokan 'of North Kolkata touch...

Festival in India means traffic, crowd, pollution of all kinds, and dirty, dirty people smiling at you, staring at you with coloured faces when you don't know why the heck are they so colourful when it is not even holi. Being a person of short stature make things worse. You can't get your way out because you are sandwiched all the time. Nobody even knows that you exist somewhere down there near their chest or maybe lower. I ponder what ants feel like? And then, when you carry baggages bigger than your size , you end up being a ...well I don't know what. Pardon me, for my imagination is surely not working now and I am not sure where and how I should use a metaphor or simile to describe my look/ condition.

Someone asked me if I feel sad. If i retrospect the past few months, the answer will be yes. But more than being sad I find this situation challenging. Everybody has to encounter this reality. I did it earlier in my life and I believe God knew that I will be able to take it and so now. Conditions are as worse as it can be, but when I think deeply I find consolation in my thoughts. For example, many people my age have a father, but still they are sad. Because they don't share a firm bonding with their father. I was never in such a place. In that way I was blessed and I can die with all those happy memories I have with my father. Situation wise, I am sad now but in the long run I will be okay because my father is always in my mind boasting about my achievements. What more? I will never get over this incident but that will just make me more human. I am more a family oriented woman and why to be so ashamed of that? That is my choice. Is not it? My career means nothing without them beca...

So the paperman knocks on our door and tell us how he is proud of his elder son because he got a good job in a reputed company. I felt happy and peaceful after a really long time on hearing this. You see there are people who grow up with privileges and then there are people who don't. And when the second category win for themselves something good, the feeling is good. Ask me, I know it. Now my second feeling- I am 22 and if you want to know if I am seeing someone, ask me directly. You don't need to tell me in a roundabout way that I am reading in a girl's college and there is no romance in such a place. I mean , I do have a life outside my college too, is not it? And we have funnier things to witness inside a girl's college, if not romance. And coming back to romance- we have that too. New generation, you see. And this is it. O wait! I am reading a Bengali book , the name I won't say and increasingly I have got this feeling that Bengali is such a beautiful, beautifu...

Here I am at a crucial juncture of my life thinking what will happen next and then there are people who are paid for analysing words of celebrities. Like, can you imagine? That is their job and they are PAID for it. I would literally die for such a job. The other day I was watching an interview which was about Aaron Paul. To be precise it was about how he treats his wife in public and the topic of discussion were his comments on his wife. So when Aaron Paul told his wife ' is it weird to be perfect and fun to be fun, all the time?', he did not know the headlines it was going to make. Let's face it, democracy does not work anywhere and one is criticised to love his spouse openly and loudly as much as one is criticised for cheating on their partners. And here I am, thinking why on earth should that become a topic of discussion. Some said Paul's wife was probably not mentally fit and needed this open pampering from her husband. While some remarked that Paul was a show-off,...

Seems like the 'Surviving' phase got the better of me.  All the mental havoc that was suppressed for the past one month , unleashed and that resulted in me getting admitted in a nursing home for three nights straight and some eight bottles of saline to freak me out. All this time while I was vomiting and was unstable, my mind was still working reasonably enough to calculate the bill that might arrive anytime, to calculate the number of times I had already puked, the curious faces who came to see my mother and me, the capsule and pill like smell engulfing my bed ( this was my first time in a nursing home as a patient), the number of other patients coming and going, the injections, the dizziness after that and the continuous pain that was beyond any human or medical help. It was the absence of my father. The man I know I will never see again, the man who had always been too proud and loud about my achievements. I was after all a sincere, reasonable , understanding daughter. I hav...

Kolkata became a completely new place to me this past one week. Not for one moment I had the bliss of experiencing relief. The motive was to get all the things done, as in all the possible things from writing different letters to the superhuman task of getting all of them signed by our college authority. Things that could have been all done and settled in a matter of two hours took two entire days. Participating in competitions and seminars at such a disruptive juncture of my life felt like an immense challenge. But I had to do it, because I wanted to. Getting involved in politics that was never meant for me was a source of displeasure to many who thought I was rather enjoying it. Come on now, I am not an attention seeker! And to top it all, some brains could not get away with the recently published post graduation results and never failed to remind me that there were no first classes in our previous batch (do I even care!). And suddenly when things started getting normal, Kolkata sta...

And soon it is going to be one month, since my father died. The bad memory still remains very fresh in my mind. And I have to live with this pain for the rest of my life. Life has been too real and harsh, this past one month. I survived my many firsts in many places, with some hesitation and embarrassment, of course. It is even difficult to look at my mother sometimes. She has become the kind of woman, I always feared. I cannot even describe properly why I feel that way. A significant part of her life is missing and gone, and she too is trying to fight it out the hard way. May God help her. May God help us. Amidst all this, there were little patches of sunshine too. But the war is not over yet, and my armour is yet to shine.

So a lot had happened.I lost my father on the 13th of August 2017. He had a massive cardiac failure inside our bathroom and we had to break the door of our toilet to get him out. The moment he was taken out of the bathroom and was made to lie down on bed, I knew he was no more. His lips had a blueish-ness, and so did the tips of his fingers. He was all cold. But I wanted the doctor to certify it medically and hence I asked others to help me lift my father inside the ambulance. I went alone with him to the hospital and came alone with him. The world was distraught. Once my father was brought back home, it became difficult to control my mother from sobbing badly. I did everything I could to keep her calm when I was not okay myself. Even I was crying hard, only silently. I badly wanted the tears to show up but it did not. I too wanted to cry aloud like my mother, but nothing happened. Then my father was taken to the morgue and kept there for the night. I could not close my eyelids that ni...

The trick is to not watch what most people are watching at the moment. Obviously I am talking about GAME OF THRONES. Not that I like it too much. I had watched the first eight episodes of season one of GOT, and it did not seem too appealing. Some asked me, if it was the graphic details that made me conclude so! Unfortunately it was not. Let's just say, as far as the graphic thing is concerned, well I don't turn away my head while watching Grey's Anatomy and it is infact one of my favourite series so far. Can't wait for season 14 of Grey's Anatomy, which they say will include surprise return of many characters who left the series in season 3 and 4. So, to get back to what I started with; the trick I mean. Back when I was in class eleven a song named 'Why This Kolaveri Di ?' became very famous. It was so popular that even the K2 kids sung the song. Okay, I am exaggerating a little. So you know a song is really good even when after many, many years it hits your...

I will continue from where I stopped the last time. So the other two movies that I watched were NH10 and Chalk and Duster. If there is anything good about NH10 then it is Anushka Sharma. I did not find the story too appealing but there were scenes that made me smile. For example, initially it is the husband in the movie who hides from his wife( Anushka Dharma) the murder incident because he thinks she won't be able to take it but later she becomes the braver one. Just not that, but we can't help noticing that it is the girl who remains practical throughout and does not act on the spur of the moment. Chalk and Duster on the other hand, highlights the politics in the education system. The only problem with the movie is that it ends on an euphoric note and gives us a pretty predictable end. What is good about the movie is that it kind of tries to tell the audience that how a noble profession like teaching is often underestimated because most people who end up getting n...

So I managed to watch three beautiful movies that was long due. The first movie is English Vinglish. I don't know why I did not watch it til now. The simplicity and seriousness of the movie touched my heart. Days like now when your speaking in English partly defines as to the kind of person you are or you are not in a country like India and traditional upbringing is appreciated as well as looked down upon; you see the society is such that they accept traditionalism in women in order to curb them with a manly power, if you know what I mean. The little son of Sashi ( Sridevi),six years old maybe, does not hesitate from telling his mother as to why she should scold her daughter because the daughter is wearing a short skirt. A bold reply comes from his mother telling her son that why would she scold her daughter when the daughter is atleast wearing a skirt. So the character Sashi might not know how to speak in English but has a wide mental horizon. She has the ability to correct hersel...

Down with fever, so it is both the right time and not the right time to write down something that provoked my anger again. This time, it was a middle aged woman who told me that ' tumi to porashunoi bhalo, tai tumi rat jago. Jader buddhi beshe, tara rat jage! '( you are studious and intelligent and that is precisely why you stay awake for most of the night). What? I don't deny that I am studious but that has got nothing to do with my late nights. It is usually the time when I educate the better creative part of my brain either by reading a good book, NOT PRESCRIBED IN THE SYLLABUS or by painting or writing a good poem, or by watching a very good movie or TV series. And this has got nothing to do with my studies. Or maybe it has got something to do with what I feel education is, on a broader spectrum. And for the stupid theory that night owls make for intelligent brains, let me tell you -I have seen too many, and when I say too many , I mean it- too many early risers who are...

And then you hear dumb things in your neighborhood - " Girls with short hair are modern and more educated." I have serious issues with such people because they are the same people who will say of how some girls are too family oriented and traditional because they choose to work at a place near their house. Such idiots assume that such girls are back dated. But judging by the same Indian standards, don't you think that the highest qualification for any Indian is to stay abroad. That does not make one modern and less Indian. It makes one less Western because you are nothing but a victim of what the society popularly believes in. And judging by the stereotypes, must say- it is very Indian, it is very normal and not at all something that makes one different. Stop judging with your narrow mentality and little knowledge.

Since my arrival in Durgapur, I have been meeting quite a few of my old friends. Talking with them about Life, career, problems, threats, solutions, in a way just tells me about the many days that had passed since the last time I sat on one of those benches in my school, or the last time that I stressed and worried myself over a stringent issue or over a small fight about a useless thing. Those idiotic mood swings and overload of all sorts of creative activities especially during times when you were expected to read the most ,drops a smile in my brain . I still remember mates telling me after our MATHS exam, 'did not you know that drawing the figures in your answer scripts that were already drawn in the question paper would help you fetch more marks?' or ' did not you know that I asked X to invite A,B,C,D on her birthday but not you!' or 'I don't know anything about what I will do next, but smiling inside for it was all planned'. Happy that life has not al...

Our very own 'didi', finally banned riots in Bidhan Sarani. It was more like banning students who found joy in agitations and fights. It has become a trend to protest on streets near a college campus and sometimes people join in even without knowing the cause and sometimes despite knowing the cause they are just one more element of disorder in the crowd, with nothing significant to contribute from their side. I have seen intellectuals talk about such things , but they keep quiet when the name of their campus is involved. Probably they view it as an Utopian land where nothing can go wrong and they fail to see the innumerable raised eyebrows at them. Anyway. Moreover while discussing the education sector in West Bengal a few more things were brought to the notice of our Chief Minister. It was about the excessive amount that a private school often charges as donation from the students and no doubt the best schools of Kolkata were included in the list- like La Marts, Modern High, ...

When you stay at home for a long, long time , you gradually start to realize the comfort you have been missing for so long. Home will never teach you to value your time, to value your food or existence. At home you will never get curious faces all the time. At home, you will never have to make an additional effort to see if someone is interested to be a friend or if someone is secretly plotting against you. Home is where trust is. Home is where you have got real friends. I value home and the very Indian culture of loving it. True that I had learned the best of lessons outside, and still continue to learn many but as they say 'Nothing is as good as home'. Now time to step out of this topic and switch to my favourite topic- human nature. Pretty amazing that people change colors all the time. Sometimes they are too friendly and sometimes they are not. It depends on their needs and let's face it - even I do it to survive, it is the defense mechanism that is common in practice. ...

And I am late to post this. Facebook is one of those social sites where you waste your time when you have too much of free time. Well there are good points too- like for example you are always kept updated regarding things you like- it can be education, or films or politics. It clearly depends on how one would love to use it. For social people it is indeed a good medium. It helps you get in touch with your close ones. But then there are also things called trolls and comic page posts and if and when you share it on your timeline, you mean to do it because you find it funny and hope many others too will feel the same way. But unfortunately some people don't get that. They take things way too seriously and make the trolls funnier and more laughable with their comments. A few days back I shared something that called itself 'mach bhaat'. So I am sure most people can figure out by the name that it was a ' For Bengali's ' troll page. So it had a few one word terms to d...

The alarming rate by which rapes are increasing in the country is shocking. It won't be wrong to say that it has become more of a trend. The media does everything to publicize it and the Parliament does nothing to improve it. The safety of women is in question, indeed. The mass riots, petitions and 'what not', had somehow failed to bring to notice, that women are not only being raped but also being brutally slaughtered for nothing. Public harassment has become common for those victims who survive. People tend to treat victims as dirt and untouchables and all that I am jotting down is neither new to people who will read this. I get mails regularly that ask me to sign and support petitions regarding the availability of tax free sanitary napkins or for say supporting some cause like increasing the employment opportunities for women. I do sign those petitions and even support them because they are actually doing something instead of nothing. But what about some huge steps that...

Not that I was hit hard or something, but apparently one useless head thinks that I lack life. Well, this made me laugh at that person for quite some time since she herself was telling me a few days back of how she would die due to oversleeping.It would demean me to compare myself with that blockhead but just to get some facts clear. a) I love learning and books are very dear to me. You see I can't waste my time on endless shallow and worthless chattering, because I value time. b) People who like me will know I have a good taste for movies, songs, series and judging humans too. So if someone does start a conversation on these topics, they will find me both as an enthusiastic speaker and listener. c) I also value the money my family is spending on my education because I know the hardships that come with the flow of money. So, when I talk about money I am definitely not comparing or discussing how rich I am or I am not. D) About my maturity? Well, mature enough to not keep contact wi...

So what I feel after watching 'thirteen reasons why' will more or less define this post. There were mixed reactions for this new teenage crime drama series and there are things about this series which really appealed to me. It is one of those things that you can relate to more, if you are a girl. High school experiences do not go well for many, it breaks you, shakes you and shapes you only if you are able to survive it. So the protagonist here, Hannah Baker fails to 'not care' repeatedly. What makes it worse for her is the fact that she consumes and believes in whatever people have to say and talk about her. There is a part in one of the episodes where Hannah is told by one of her peers ( a male) that she makes it to the top in the list of hot girls in the class and Hannah rebels back saying how would boys feel if girls too rated them?!. This very part won my applaud.It has been able to draw our attention towards body shaming as a crime. Teenage depression, lack of good...

Well just to make a small note- how can the society be so judgmental as to decide and comment on someone's garment? A 'burkha' wearing woman being criticizd by people who think that it is a symbol of old fashioned mentality. How horrifyingly stupid is that?! A woman is wearing it, because she wants to and she can. If that is how she feels safe, then why criticize that? It is not just that, it is an attack on culture and religion too. By saying such words people show their intolerance not only towards women in general, but also towards some religious and cultural beliefs. If a place is dominated by people of one religion, it is assumed that they can force their opinions and demean people of other religions. And no doubt, such ' trifle' matters lead to increasing rapes in a country that is apparently proud of its multiculturalism.

I have been awake all night watching my favourite series and anticipating good things. I just burned my finger last night and it is a painfully happy experience. I feel alive. Before I proceed to do the other activities of the day, which sort of remind me that this day is going to be a long one, I have made up my mind to write about a not so good experience and since it is 5.41 in the morning, there is nothing and noone who can probably interrupt my actions. So it is about this old guy, who thinks that he is not old, and has been trying to or rather verbally molesting me for quite some time now. I have been waiting for the right opportunity to confirm my doubts about this moron and no I was not stupid to wait for sometime before doing something. Well, let's just say, this man thinks I am easy because I look timid and sweet and weak ( I curse my deceptive look)to most, but what he does not know is that I have had such experience earlier in my life and stood against it at a time whe...

So there was I teaching my student in a room and then there was this pigeon which suddenly came inside the room and refused to leave. It did not only not leave, but broke some ' chai'r bhars', made a mess of my student's books and exercise books, made us leave the room and stand outside in the street for quite sometime. The pigeon was fortunate enough to gather a small crowd around it, received fame within thirty minutes, with all the eyes focused on her. But the brave pigeon sat on top of the huge pile of books with an almost mocking and serene look and left the room only after it had pooped enough to dirty many books. The same day one of our classmates made the extremely courageous attempt to ask one of our professors that if we should be expecting questions from chapters not taught in the class. To this the reaction of our professor was equally good. She narrowed her thin eyes on her round face and looked like a smashed potato trying to suppress her laughter. Hope I ...

So the fourth month of the year 2017 bids a goodbye today. The month has been eventful with new ventures, new learning, new disappointments, new expectations and good news. This month will not leave me in the coming month for sometime, I guess. But time will not cease to exist and therefore to stop would lead to my physical and spiritual exhaustion. Anyway. North Kolkata has been an amazing teacher in many, many ways. Till date it has never missed to show me strange, nice and heartbreaking sights. One can be amazed to see the religious nature of the people here. They pray to God with a devotion I have rarely encountered in the past. It is soothing to the senses. When I feel lonely I sometimes go to the nearby Ramakrishna Mission, which remains open to all from 5pm. They start their prayers at around 6.30 and it is heart warming to listen to them. I feel light and good. On second thoughts, it would be good to discover God.

It is not the first time that juniors have come to me to ask, 'What is love?' ,and I have either remained silent or have just smiled. And more sorry I am for people who have too much faith in this word. From now on anyone who would come to me with this silly question will have to answer me instead as to what life is? A question, far more important if you really want to know. What makes it more difficult for me to answer such a question is the mere fact that I am a Literature student and how can I even try to define Love when I have seen and known so many kinds and types and I know what the kids and juniors are looking for but alas I don't have an answer for the common place boy-girl love. I don't want to sound irrational to people who can't agree with my concept of unconventional love. It is strange that most poeople think that to believe in something superiorly different is to accept and practice it. The reason that most people shirk away from going beyond, is beca...

So it is time to go back to the city that push me to my limits. My short stay at home was worth it for it paved the way for my much needed break. Things have changed in my hometown Durgapur. To start with, Muchipara- one of the bus stations in Durgapur, where passengers are expected to empty their seats and get down, has changed tremendously with all its new infrastructure and since this was my visit to Durgapur after three and a half months, I surely could not locate the place properly. It all seemed so alien to me that I made up my mind to get down at City Centre. But then thankfully I could locate from quite a distance, my father's Scooty and fortunately I got down in the needed place. Well Durgapur is losing it's greenery with all the new useless buildings popping up almost everywhere your eyes can lead you to. The heat here has become strange and probably more intense. Why I say strange is because it is too hot and it becomes difficult to stare anywhere in the broad daylig...

It was just one of those days when you were being quoted by your students and friends alike. A small impact made and hence a reason to rejoice. Rejoice- the nation rejoiced when Jio, the telecom company stirred the entire nation with it's new summer surprise offer on 31st March at midnight. But with the sudden withdrawal of the surprise offer as per the TRAI regulations the rejoicing came to an end and as per gossips Tata Docomo and Vodafone, are to shut down by the end of this year. Why do I care so much? Your guess is right. I am an over enthusiastic Jio user and a wise Vodafone customer. So much to worry about! The schedule is packed and tight with a lot of small and big changes that apparently is helping me become mature. Teaching seniors, reading my stuffs and handling a suffocating environment with too many insecure and pretentious people around, throws a huge challenge but it also saves my life from becoming mundane. Not that I always rejoice it. Neither do I rejoice the fac...

Poverty? Once when Maugham said that Charlie Chaplin suffers from a nostalgia of the slums, Chaplin stated, ' I have yet to know a poor man who has nostalgia for poverty, or who finds freedom in it'.So you see it is all about the writer and what he has in his mind. But about feeling nostalgic for poverty?! Well I certainly know a man who feels it that way. According to him, now that he has got all that a bourgeois man can aspire for, his enthusiasm towards his work has decreased and he often complains for being blessed with everything he had ever worked for. Yes, there are people who take success this way.My views are different from this man's, very different. Initially I felt that this man must be mad, but there are times when one is bound to respect madness too. This reminds me of another incident. There is this mad man in my present locality who quotes Shakespeare all the time. I say so out of the little knowledge that I have of Shakespeare. It is like if you ask him to ...

So a year back when I wrote about Zhijia and her experience in Kolkata, there were people who told me that only foreigners face such things in Kolkata, but not Indians. This post today is to contradict such people. One of my classmates is from Assam and her initial journey in Kolkata is not very different from Zhijia's. She too was treated indifferently and was made to feel that she knows nothing. She was narrating us one incident where she was inside a bus and was asked for help by a woman from a different college who thought that she( my friend) was from the same college as hers. Hence the woman asked for the bus fare from my friend but immediately withdrew, when she came to know that my friend was from a different college. But my friend helped her with the money that was needed to buy the bus ticket, and also helped her with some extra money, in case an emergency arose. On doing so my friend was told by the other woman ' You are definitely not a resident of Kolkata '. In...

Hardships are so many yet people try to find bliss in the very nature of their hardships. The street children near my college get their breakfast for a twelve rupee in exchange. A very little amount of 'ghugni' in a small paper plate. Something that cannot suffice one stomach but they share it with two more people and feel happy- and they smile. They abuse, they love, they cry- they do it all together.It is a curse and a blessing to be in their shoes.But oh! a day for that Bliss, for that joy, for those bright eyes devoid of worries. An old bent down man crossing the street and walking the local lanes of my place is a regular sight to my eyes. He is far more active than us to do all that he does, being what he is. He sips his tea in a 'sroop' way, exclaiming 'aah' and there I see the smile on his lips, the visible pain of exhaustion vanishing from his eyes and he is in bliss, the bliss that comes from hardships, a hard day of toil. The old Summer days, come back...

The most illusional concept or theory of the present generation is 'Egalitarianism'. The world never tries to give an equal status to all humans materialistically. It just pretends, because it is obliged to do that. Times when I feel that even the world is bound by certain rules and norms, I feel good. But that is another issue altogether. When I talk about 'Egalitarianism', I must also refer to the fact that this concept does not provide equality on grounds of moral status either. There is no mental peace when everyone is trying to show everyone,how infinitely superior they are in their thoughts and actions and that their bank balance becomes the ground for distinguishing people. So we have the horrible rich section and the pitiful poor section who in turn become a part of the horrible section to the pitiful section they have at their disposal. I might have mentioned this earlier that labours who work regularly to construct a building never get rich, it is always the p...

Do you know how people misinterpret Women's Day? By simply assuming that it is a day for strong women! Don't we already subdue our passion for this day by distinguishing between a 'strong' and a 'weak' woman? Don't we forget that 'strong' and 'weak' are very relative terms? Can't we just pause for a while and think of a day when we cared for someone 'weak' and felt 'strong'? Or a day when were 'weak' and how that very moment made strength a necessity for us? Did we think about the word 'strong' as an epithet then? Once Alice Walker said that " For in the end, freedom is a personal and lonely battle; and one faces down fears of today so that those of tomorrow might be engaged'. So let us all promise ourselves that we shall celebrate the 8th of March for all. We shall celebrate Women's Day without judging.

It does not really surprise me now when I think that some older folks just hate our generation. It is hard to accept that things have really degraded. Most people of my age like chaos and they happily create it. They find it easy and normal to drag a street child shamelessly. They don't care for the child getting hurt. They drag them because they say that they want to educate them on streets. Educate- huh? Where is your education when you use force? Where is your education when you show no manners? Where is your education and what is it that stops you from realizing or seeing that you hurt a child, while you drag him? I hate to be a part of a generation who thinks it to be cliché to show respect to elders. Who is asking you to be humble and polite always? But surely nothing can stop you from showing elders politely, how and where they are wrong.And one evening was enough for me to not regret a decision that I made some four years ago. I am happy that I did not choose you Scottish C...

One of my friends that I know, goes on nagging about how girls should not be married at an early age. According to her things have changed, and marrying at an early age does not work towards empowering women. A very vague concept for one who claims to be a feminist. I too believe personally that marriage of girls can be avoided at an early age, but I have reasons very different from my friend. To this friend I would say, that marrying at an early age does not always mean bondage. If someone wishes to and is pretty confident and adamant about getting married at 21 or 22, then why stop that woman? How can someone claim oneself to be a feminist and do exactly what Patriarchy does to the women population. Have I not discussed this before? By burdening someone with your opinions and what what you think is right make you what you don't want to be. A woman can be an excellent housewife and that does not always mean that she is less ambitious. Her decision to marry at an early age, does no...

So what's new in my life? One is, meeting the almost same morons with different faces. Morons who give me the opportunity to be criticized, who help me become more confident. Morons who are elder to me, yet never think twice before passing a comment or making a statement. Wait, I don't think they even know the difference between a comment and a statement. Morons they are with their silly jokes and irritating habits. Morons they shall always be and help me contribute more to my blog. Two is, the realization that all is temporary strikes me again and I end up placing myself neither in the past,nor in the present or the future. Three is, it amazes me to see that how people self interpret a given situation incorrectly, and then dumbly give reasons to justify that they are in a better place and unwelcomingly complicate matters. Some are stupid to the point of behaving like lovers I have betrayed, when they meant nothing more than friends. How boring and lonely it mus...

When a street child tells me that he has found happiness in the hardships, my mind retrospects. Back when I was in class ten( or twelve), I remember writing an essay entitled 'Cage' and there I wrote that, ' Let a child of nature, be and remain a child of nature. Let him know no bounds, let him be free and not caged...' Strangely I still remember the line, and strangely I feel happy today. Strangely the line reverberates in me. Strangely the world looks a better place to live in.

When literates and intellectuals say that they don't believe in humanity anymore, I consider it to be very 'normative',nothing surprising enough to shake the previously laid foreground of the intellectual premises. I am still on my way to make my mark and thus not highly literate, but a common woman who sees the world through the spectrum of emotions, most of the times. So,one little incident that happened yesterday, shocked me and I started believing in the notion of the intellectuals- Humanity has died and people are not only extremely mean and selfish, but have forgotten their basic civic sense. I went with my aunt to get hold of a mud made Saraswati,in a nearby market, and on our way back stopped to purchase our daily grocery stuff, and my aunt casually asked the shopkeeper, 'Dada apnar bou kemon ache?'(How is your wife?) and the man as if suddenly stoned, stammered and tried conveying that his wife had died. My aunt felt sorry, even I did. The man had tears in ...

A letter has come, With words of chilling surprise ' Splendiferous' thought the mind Not the news, but the words Letters could speak, thought the mind Of stories and dying... Death was the news, and tears had arrived ' Splendiferous' thought the mind The faded letter has finally arrived.

Once Bacon,drowned himself into a pool of thoughts concerning men and their nature. He perhaps enjoyed it. I,a lesser human,is FORCED to think about some.For example,when I write or say something, sometimes,some people spontaneously assume,it is for them.I fail to contemplate why? HOW do things become so obvious and WHY do things become obvious? Many a times I see people accuse me as having deliberately caused them some emotional damage,as if I have no other thing to think about.Some are overtly domineering, because they think I am and they can't stand that, and they confess that to others.Then there are some others who try to brainwash you, and since you know them too well,you give them the pleasure to believe that they have been successful in their endeavor.But o,come on how can wicked people and their thoughts substitute good people and their thinking. Then there are some,who can well identify and situate themselves, yet stop themselves from being and explicitly accepting what t...

You want to know what hypocrisy is?When crowds and crowds of people gather in front of Swamiji's statue on his birthday,but don't even bother to look at it on a normal day.You want to know what is annoying?When people try to peep inside your room,even when you draw the curtains of the windows and shut the door.You want to know what is vulgar?When a woman pees,standing straight and with pride,apparently to contribute towards the cause of gender equality.Sadly,she lowers her esteem and the esteem of her gender.Yes,I guess North Kolkata has more in store for me.