Summing up

It is almost the year end. I remember having high hopes for this year , last year around this time. Professionally some of them were fulfilled of course, but this year was the worst year for my personal self. Losing my father this year, was the greatest shock. Apart from that I was always personally disturbed and not just because of people, but also because of tricky situations God put me into. I had suffered healthwise and it was not just during the time when I was admitted in the hospital but also before that when I had severe problems with my throat and tooth, and also had allergic attacks. It was hard and then when I see people faking illness like for example dengue ( that being the most common in Kolkata), just for some sympathy from others, it pricks my tongue. Needless to say why. But then if someone asks me if I had learned anything this year, I would say yes. I have learned a lot. Let's just say right from my first year to my last year of my post graduation ( as in it is about to end), I have never taken a break. I have worked hard. Whether it was the curricular activities or extra curricular activities, I had always given my best till now. I did not go for any short trip either since my first year. And I always had a reason behind that. I promised myself during my first year that by the time I complete my post graduation I will know more that what I am expected to know. Both fortunately and unfortunately, I do know today. Studies were always important but they did not always top my list of priorities when it came to learning. I started taking studies seriously since I was in class seven and since then it had been quite something. First trying to be within the top ten in the class, then trying to be within the top three and then being the topper was a journey that called forth immense patience and persistent hard work. But now I am no more like that. I know it is just a matter of two more semesters but I don't want to be in that list anymore because I have realized that exams will not judge me by my passion for the subject but it will always judge me for the preparation that I will take for writing a test. They will never get the mental turmoil I have been through. So it is better for me to continue with my love for learning not just by the syllabus prescribed matter but by doing more than that. Well I was talking about taking a break. So I did not take one- as I had said but I did go for social gatherings and did stay back in college after it was over to chat and gossip. But that was surely not a waste for that was for my personal joy. I have learned a lot, I have enjoyed a lot, I have lost a lot too but when I look back at my past five years and then look at myself today, i definitely feel proud of myself, if not too happy. My graduation days had a lot more to offer me with many interesting people around. My post graduation could not give me that kind of an experience, but we also need to agree that we use the phrase ' once in a lifetime' for a reason. Gokhale Memorial Girl's college was one such experience. There were also a few pingpongs from some people this year. I will just highlight the ones that made me think too much.Like someone told me ' I am always there for you, and I will be', but then when the situation demanded , she was available not in the way I had expected her to. Now actions speak more than words and that is when one can judge who is a friend and who is not. Then there was someone who tried to be overtly friendly with a classmate I usually used to spend my time with. Now that was more a pretence on that girl's part to make me aware that now she has taken my place. But hardly did she know that right at that time, that classmate and I split up, for our own personal differences and hence I was quietly enjoying the show. There was this other time when someone TOLD me, and NOT JUST HINT IT, that I am a Bi- sexual and why do I then try to hide it. Before answering her I obviously wanted to know the grounds by which she had her judgment made. She told me that she finds me romancing with women all the time and that I have that look on my face that conveys to people like her that I am a bisexual. So after listening to this, obviously I smiled for sometime, and trust me I took my time for it, because I was trying to figure out the romance in me and then I told her, that she was wrong. If any day I do discover my traits as a bisexual I will not take my steps backwards but rather on the contrary I will happily deliver my identity and my feelings as and for the same. I am not a woman who would curl up on learning such a truth. And even you know that. Just so you know more- I really love my boyfriend and the fact that we both are perfectly straight. O wait that reminds me of how a junior told me that after watching SHERLOCK , all that she had in her mind was me and her. So I asked her if was a just a fantasy for a passing crush that she had on me. She told me that she felt a connection between us. Now there, I am always there as a friend and guide but I don't want to play the Watson or Sherlock in anyone's life. And also if I choose a Sherlock for myself I will make sure that I have all that it requires to be a SHERLOCK in that person. You do understand right, that the first criteria is obviously to be highly intellectual and not just intellectual, leave alone dumb. But then again, I am not a lesbian. It would be so much good if people really read books that talk about and explore the sexual orientation facts, rather than just sit back and fantasize a situation in their head just because they have watched some gay series and then accuse someone for being what they are not. We have different fan fiction sites for that- go contribute there.However, I am sure I need to ask someone who knows me well, to help me figure out the romance that women find in me. Priya, if you are reading this blog, please do help me figure it out and also people, you must know that Priya had been a constant support all this year. Thank you so much. So yes, this was about this year. I have been judged and I have been too frank to defend myself and that is okay and justified. I have judged people and they too have tried to defend themselves, so all okay again. There were good and bad things, but the warrior in me never gave up. But on the other hand,I am too happy that a few more days and this year is going to be over. And also with this I complete my target of writing atleast 48 blog posts every year.