Surviving ( phase lll)

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Seems like the 'Surviving' phase got the better of me.  All the mental havoc that was suppressed for the past one month , unleashed and that resulted in me getting admitted in a nursing home for three nights straight and some eight bottles of saline to freak me out. All this time while I was vomiting and was unstable, my mind was still working reasonably enough to calculate the bill that might arrive anytime, to calculate the number of times I had already puked, the curious faces who came to see my mother and me, the capsule and pill like smell engulfing my bed ( this was my first time in a nursing home as a patient), the number of other patients coming and going, the injections, the dizziness after that and the continuous pain that was beyond any human or medical help. It was the absence of my father. The man I know I will never see again, the man who had always been too proud and loud about my achievements. I was after all a sincere, reasonable , understanding daughter. I have been a family woman throughout and losing my father has been like an earthquake to my grounded feet. I am still surviving the pain. Some say, I will get over it. I definitely don't need them to tell me that. I will not get over it because it is no foolish romance or a pathetic breakup. Some say all will be okay. And again, I really dont need that consolation.  You can do me a favour by keeping quiet. Some others say, ' stay with your friends, you will feel okay'. After being choosy for so long, i dont think my " friends" will be able to help me out with my mind activities. But for a reason I know I will surpass all of it. This is just one of those times when my mother means the world to me, now that I am left with a single parent. It is strange that amidst all this i still allow myself to think about the selfish people junk I still have in my life. But no more of it.I don't have time for such immature-ish stuff. I have time for people who know exactly what will keep me happy. I have to give time to my health too and by that I don't mean my skin and face and nails and legs and feet ( was never such a loon)). God wants all my attention now and I am not going to forget this time that easily.

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