Better aspects

I am both excited and nervous about my new start.I am filled with anticipation and sometimes i really overthink about how the next two years will turn out.It makes me laugh when i think that i am studying in the rival college of my previous college,but then i just can't deny that it is after all one of the best post graduate colleges in Kolkata.I have already met some new people and the one question that both the old and new ask me is,'What will you do next'?My answer is always a big 'I DON'T KNOW'.I mean most of them want to be professors or get some good government job,or be in the publishing sector and often dream of becoming an editor.Some dream of further studies.For me,it is all so confusing,especially when i think about the realistic barriers.Like for example,if i go for further studies,won't age pose itself as a big hindrance later?!It is not going to stop for me and my studies after all.And maintaining a double life,by staying in a hostel is no joke.And in a country like India,the greatest threat perhaps is the fact that i am a GENERAL candidate and trust me,the general candidates don't enjoy priviledges in India.We are just the servants.A general candidate needs to be extraordinarily good to bag a good college/university /job.Anyway,i don't want this post(this one particularly) to be a platform for my stored up aggression against a completely hollow educational system.Moving to the better aspects of my life-I have finally successfully managed to stay calm and not get angry since last Tuesday.Controlling anger,well let me put it in better words-swallowing bitter words and thoughts that can harm others and most importantly oneself,is not easy.Sometimes you do feel like shaking up an entire system or some human or your mind and give it a punch,figuratively and then materialize the anger and throw it out in some form or the other like for example shouting or telling things you never thought of saying in your life and yes,we all know it is not deliberate and yet to a point it is,but sadly one can't help it.People like me who are way too short tempered and emotional,definitely can't.But surprisingly,i did it.An entire week for that matter.I feel so happy.Some days back i got a call from one of my ex-colleagues.She is five years elder to me and she is terribly upset with her work environment in school.I tried counselling her and after talking with me for a complete one hour,she felt absolutely fine.Trying to help her out was itself a wonderful feeling.You know how i count my achievement?By the simple fact that an elder woman,more qualified than i am,and definitely more experienced as a teacher, rings me up with the hope of getting good advice.This is my achievement.I don't always measure it quantitatively.And i am not self centered.I like helping people,one reason that i expect people to help me as well in my times of need.Over the past seven years of my life,i have learned to manage failures and success equally well.And as a result i work hard,and also keep guts to 'gratulate deserving people and appreciate their hard work.I am not unnecessarily rude to people because i have also learned that a healthy competition is necessary,and that,we all need to accept that there will always be better students or competitors and hence,one must be satisfied.I love studying,but the old me made studies her life.The present me understands,that books are just a part of life and as someone really wise told me a few days back,that we don't know which is our last day on earth and thus we all must have a proper amalgamation of both the good and bad experiences in life,to evolve as a better and mature person.I feel contended,that God has gifted me with a generous nature.To forgive is such a bliss and i have forgiven myself and many people around me,for so many things.I feel lighter.Being an extrovert helps me.I am looking forward to all the new starts in my life and someday all my experiences as a human on this earth will count to me more than my mere salary.Breaking down,standing back,falling down again,fighting back,helping others,making mistakes,regretting and not regretting past actions-all of it,will define me.Learning is indeed endless and not limited to your books.We might all look back one day and you know what,make sure the real movie is worth watching.A life spent on doing mistakes,is far more interesting than a life spent, doing nothing.(This is the almost quote,and i don't remember if it was Shaw or Eliot who quoted it)

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