learning and growing

Learning and growing has taken a different shape now. I can feel the change in me. I finally realize why CV's ask for experience. Experience changes you both personally and professionally. If i were to describe myself in one word that would be 'reserved'.  I don't talk with many people. Because i don't like all. I talk with some and I like them. It is just that simple. I have always been a nerd if you ask me. I like keeping things to myself and doing things myself. I love my personal space. Now a days i have become more reserved. Professionally it is of course not possible for me to always be the way i really like to be but there too i have seen a change in me. I think the more you learn about things and people, the quieter you become. The more focused you become with your plans. Once my sir told me that ' the more you shall grow up, the more you will realize that the four walls of your room has more to offer .' I do not completely agree but i do get now wh...

My father told me once, " I am with you in all your good works ." It has often bothered me since then as to what he meant. Bad and good has always been a matter of perception to me. I think i have mentioned it somewhere on my blog too. But what was it that disturbed me about this statement? I have often questioned the empty blank authority- " am i good or bad ?''. And obviously there was no reply. But then one day something happened. And i realized that there are times when some people hurt you DELIBERATELY.  This sense of deliberation comes from some place inside the brain that knows how to confirm a certain impact. So we make deliberate efforts to work hard, which is good because it gives one satisfaction. But the point of deliberately hurting someone and gaining pleasure from that, was never justifying to me. It felt wrong to me. And then i realized that i actually have the right to categorize such people as bad and their motives as worse. And that i have the...

The four days holiday finally came to an end. It was a quiet, peaceful journey. I was mostly inside my house binge watching shows and reading articles. I even tried my hand at painting after a long time. It turned out to be a disaster in my attempt to finish it within ten minutes. I realized that i lack patience for such sublime things now because i am more focused with some other important activities in my life which might prove beneficial in the long run. The weather has started to change too. It is spring but we still cover ourselves with a blanket at night. The sun sets around six 'o' clock in the evening instead of five fifteen. Sometimes i yearn for the noise of the city streets but  most of the times i appreciate the peaceful environment that  our colony gives us. The occasional sound of the train engine assure me that i shall never forget  these days- the beginning days of my career. And did i say that last year, on 23rd of March i came here for the interview. To...

When students who try to keep in touch with you not because the syllabus demands it but because you matter to them, makes you feel good. And then when you get compliments like ' ma'am there is no substitute to you ', makes you feel even better. I need to write all this down here on my blog  so that someday  when i would like to turn back the pages of my life  and ask myself about my achievements, these little compliments shall make me smile more than my materialistic gains. I won't name the student but this blog is for you and i hope you are reading it. Lately you have faced problems in your life. And you did not know what to do or how to come out from a situation like that. I would like to tell you that you are not alone here. We all face situations that can shake us a little. And I won't say that since you are a teenager, you are more likely to be in trouble because I still find  myself doing such stupid things and i am not a teenager. Trust is a very important w...

Some readers asked me as to why i don't write as often as i used to? It is just that i had a given goal to the number of pageviews that i received. I have reached that number and so , as i had mentioned before, i shall only write when i want to. Also I have realized that i am becoming more private with my issues now a days. So i might not find it very comfortable to share all my feelings here. Some philosophical approaches towards life and work will always be shared with my readers though. And that brings me to the one thing that is inside my mind for sometime now. I feel distanced. I am finding it hard to give a meaningful definition to my life right now.  Money does make me happy. But the working pattern has become monotonous. I am learning and teaching but not the way i had always dreamed of. There is something missing in my life right now. Something so essential and vital that i can almost feel it taking a shape in my mind with its empty form. And i am not losing myself becaus...

Someone from my hometown asked me ' how are you dealing with the students now? '. I started laughing because that is something i am still learning. We laughed, when i told her that some students think that i am one of them because i look young but they forget i am elder to them. The thing is i can be a friend to my students but again one cannot expect me to be a friend who will chat and gossip with them. I would rather laugh at their foolish behaviour . I do it almost all the time. I try to correct them when they are wrong. And then obviously comes my likes and dislikes.  But that is a different thing. I am a peaceful person and i HATE [ irrespective of the age] people who try my patience. I am a realist and a straightforward person. I cannot lie about anything. If a student does not know how to behave in the class that student must be treated accordingly. Anyway. I realized something. I ordered two things on Amazon and they arrived today. I felt happy. I wonder how celebritie...

Wish i could only know the beginnings after the ending of most of my favourite movies and novels. As a reader i have my own theories and versions but I often wonder about the creator's  perspective. Did the characters struggle again? If they did why? How did they handle it? Was it necessary for them to do so? What were the other options they had? I guess we will never know. This was the first thought that came to my mind and hence I wrote it down. There are a few other things that i want to share. Now what exactly brings me back to my blog? A normal conversation with one of the students of class ten. And as i went along with the conversation i felt that only if our school had a counselling cell for both the students and the teachers. Anyway. Let us get on then. The peace of the surroundings prevail but there is restlessness inside the mind as always. Every night i go to sleep, the thought that I WILL DIE SOMEDAY comes to me. We do so many things but all of it is temporary. Surviv...