learning and growing

At this moment in my life,i just feel the need of being someone i am not.The very close people in my life will agree when i say i am not always very pleasant to talk with especially when something bothers me,because these are times when i get angry on every small thing on earth and blame everyone for everything.My head is bursting.I am basically not doing what i should do,because i don't feel like doing it.There is a calling need from inside me that demands a calm me now.The anger fails to restrict itself.I am so disturbed.I don't want this new year to approach.I don't feel like doing anything about it.I am tired of meeting people all the time.I just feel the need of saying it all that i no more want to become social with animals and morons.I am frustrated and i guess i have reached that point in my life where i really need to see some changes taking place.And i guarantee,if i meet someone again in this short holiday who either asks or reminds me about the boring syllabus s...

If Sherlock Holmes was a gay?If one Googles one will get plenty of material on this topic.So basically google says that Sherlock was not gay.He was asexual,a genius,'married to my work', is what Sherlock himself says to Watson.But was it?No i am not going on by the Benedict and Freeman spirit.Because if we really think about it,then there are chances that maybe Sherlock was after all one.Sherlock is basically a product of the Victorian period,when these things were not kindly looked upon at all.It can be that Sherlock knew he had to hide it for which the best alternative would be to immerse himself completely in his work and then behave indifferently towards emotions.People say because Sherlock was a workaholic,the absence of work bored him so much that he rushed to consume morphine or cocaine.This can be otherwise.When he had nothing to do,he was reminded of his original identity which he could substantiate only through drugs.His liking for Irene Adler was because he got to se...

So finally i am living one of those rare occasions where i am writing my blog with a cup of coffee,in my room and with absolute silence.It is almost like a dream come true for me because a combination of all these do not usually come to greet me.On Christmas i went to our school church and my post will be about this-almost.So my friends and i walked towards our school church crossing our school gates on our way.I was not the only x-student but the teachers who saw us just recognized me.I met juniors who were shy enough to encounter their 'kamalika di',for i heard them call me,some girls,juniors again smiled and the most touching part was that even the school guards recognized me.This is when you truly feel special- that even after three years they remember you,they smile when they see you,they talk with you and sometimes they don't but they always recognize you.Now the annoying part.There are people who think that every slight action on the part of another person is meant ...

Hey you!out there in the cold Getting lonely,getting old,can you feel me? Hey you,standing in the aisles With itchy feet and fading smiles, Can you feel me? Hey you!don't help them bury the light Don't give in without a flight... A companion to all miserable hearts,the agony is not just of loneliness but a conscious awareness of a failed attempt to walk towards 'United we stand,divided we fall'.This unity talked about is of the community that exists,thrives just because they have to.Perhaps the togetherness of all such people will help in feeling less burdened at heart,but the definition just does not get a shape in real circumstances.It talks about identity crisis of a man,nation,of a human race that struggles to stay adamant on the grounds,sometimes it may lead to one trying to commit suicide but this song is just a call for all such sufferers to hold back and connect with people suffering the same way. But it was only a fantasy/ The wall was too high as you can see/ ...

It has been three years now,when i last entered my school.My leaving class ten was more painful that leaving class twelve.That day,my classmate and i were having coffee and we decided to take a walk towards our hall.We both paused at the door of the hall.A farewell was being given to the students of Gokhale school.The school and the college shares the same hall.I can't say if i had the feeling of nostalgia because i had never attended a farewell in my life till now.In class ten it was my cousin sister's marriage that fell on the day of our farewell and in class twelve our whole class was suspended and so there was no farewell.Deep down i probably will yearn for a farewell but the days are gone and will never come back.I am hoping for one in my final year of graduation but the farewell of a college and a school are completely different concepts.School was a learning ground,college is a place for gaining practical experiences.Within the next three months,another phase of my life ...

There are times when some songs go on repeating themselves inside ones' head and one feels like humming them all the time.At present the song ZOMBIE by the band THE CRANBERRIES,is that song in my life.If one is interested,one can just look up at the lyrics on Google.It is basically a protest song written in memory of the Warrington bombing and an attempt on part of Ireland to free themselves.It became the number one song in places like Germany and Belgium and succeeded to stay at that position till the end of the year 1994,the year in which the song was released after the band finished their tour of 1993.According to some sources,it was shocking and surprising for a band to refer to something like the Easter rising of 1916 in their performance before the audience,who were not even born during that time.The Eastern rising was the war of Ireland for independence,against the British when the United Kingdom was busy fighting the first World War.This song just echoes the eternal struggl...

The last two weeks has been really hectic but not annoying.The visit of the NAAC peer team in our college made people and things way too busy.But why i say it was not that unpleasant because these are the times,when our department gets active in doing and creating things and that calls for a lot of reading,imagination,hard work and practise,if one decides to participate actively.These are the times when we individually and collectively as a team,make memories,good and bad both.Both the second and third year was well spend in doing things for the department-a small contribution towards one's own process of socialization.In the first year,it was just two seminars that i could participate in and i regret that i could not attend the exhibition but the last year and this year has been so active,introducing me to new minds and obviously people i who share the same mindset up or are far more superior.Made some good friends as well.Sometimes i just think of a curriculum. Or a schedule spen...

What will you do when you come to know that some person you admire has dark secrets?Secrets which are nasty enough to be unacceptable and what if that person is someone whom you not only admire but also idolize.Will you still idolize that person?Will you begin to hate that person or still love him or her,accepting the shortcomings?Do you respect someone who has the ability of being a genius and at the same time can physically as well as mentally abuse people and family.A complete drug addict,who follows and works on the dictum 'do as i say and not do as i do' can hardly be given respect.A pretension of being a confirmist when one is just as confused and paradoxical regarding almost everything and yet thrusts oneself as a social commentator and preaches people things s/he can't themselves practise.Is it because they know that they are not what people believe them to be yet they try desperately to be precisely what people expect them to be,that they fail in that attempt becau...

Things that are going inside my head now-'THE CATCHER IN THE RYE','MARK CHAPMAN','I JUST SHOT JOHN LENNON','CHAPTER 27','SEASON OF GLASS','ALL MY LOVING','IMAGINE','BEATLES IS MORE POPULAR THAN CHRIST',-the sequence is abrupt and hence in the proper sequential pattern,it is in my mind you see.I am obsessed with this man,obsessed with Lennon.How can things be so dramatic in real life?A man who claimed himself to be an atheist yet was able to compose the very much non atheist song that won him popularity and perhaps brought him closer to his funeral.If Lennon was just spiritual how was he able to make himself a part of the famous song by Beatles-'LET IT BE' and then randomly come up with comments such as 'i have got nothing to do with Beatles'.If peace was what he was standing for,from where did he get the idea?When asked by his teacher to make an assignment on what he wanted to become in his life,Lennon repl...

This is my second post today and what prompts me to write this is a recent post that i just read,written by a teacher I admired.It has got nothing to do with his post content,but suddenly i realized that this year,one of my friends(better said as friend turned stranger),and this teacher i am talking about went through dome serious health problems to which i was completely aware but did not ask any of them about it.Obviously i have perhaps turned a noone in their lives for this very reason and honestly i have no complaints against that but only if they could just take a moment and think of what wrongs they did that caused my not so desirable behaviour.I am not being sentimental,though i may sound like one.I have already past that age where trusting people can effect the normal schedule,and the innumerable people i talk about in my writings,people who annoy me to the brink are those people who just play a role in making me an experienced human.I know now whom to be with and whom to avoid...

Many readers complain me for being too harsh rather cynical in my approach towards life as reflected in my writings.So if speaking about reality makes me cynical,i am fine with it and as far as my being harsh is concerned,i would just pose an example and let others judge the rest.Recently i have been told by someone,that my present college is good for studious students like me and the most 'reputed' university in Kolkata is not for students like me.Pause.What???The most reputed university(university being primarily made for studies and i am not avoiding the co curricular activities) is not going to admit students like me,because the university is more popular among the youth for the so called signs of modernism like having sex with multiple people and the chain of limitless smoking.The one telling me this is not only a dolt mind you,but is way too careless in choosing her words,i must say.My sincere advice to you will be exercise your thoughts because you can't get into thi...