Pangs of being Sincere!

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How hard it is to be sincere!You are not only sincere towards your work but to your entire environment and as a result you end up being too cautious all the time,trying to reach near perfection and even if you do,you are not happy.I know how it is and i end up laughing at myself and sometimes envying people who are free from such strings of sincerity.Some people are of the opinion-'you will thank yourself for this later',well to them i will just say that i don't need to thank myself for this because it is more a burden than a pleasure and i can't stop myself from getting burdened because i feel lonely;so i both hate and love being sincere.I hate and love it when i wake up thirty minutes prior to my alarm,when i try to both socialize as per my needs and then not socialize and shut myself up in my space to do what i think i should do and i make it a point to do and maintain both the things,because i am sincere to both,i love and hate myself for being too sincere to not forget about my words,promises.I love and hate myself for being a maniac at times to check a certain something for many times till i am fully assured,confident and satisfied as to where and how it is and should be.I am also sincere enough to abide by my principles-like for example not pretending,i am quite straight forward in this matter,i just cannot pretend that i like someone if i don't or do something which i hate or criticize someone openly and not tell lies about my whereabouts.This reminds me of a funny incident.Three years back,there were people who pretended that they are pitiful creatures,who did not know of what they shall do after their board exams and tried their best to put it inside some minds the very same thing with the objective of shocking them later(not that i did not know about it,but sometimes one just needs to be quiet and watch things to laugh silently) and i often recall those days and share it with my mother and both of us laugh our hearts out.These are just typical Bengali things and this also reminds me of another funny incident,which was not that funny back then.Right after our ICSE results were out,people went on to say about their 'best five' percentage,and due to my miscalculation i ended up saying a percentage less that what it was and more than what the aggregate was,and to that my mother was an accomplice too and people started telling behind our backs, that we were lying.Later when things became clear,the feeling was just so ridiculous,but now when i look back,i laugh.So it is not easy to be sincere,not just to your books but to your environment,that includes everyone and everything,you live and care for.

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