learning and growing

Hedonism defines pleasure as the most important intrinsic good,but pleasure is non existing in reality unless we are blessed enough to receive joy or we consume some strong drug,that can help us reach that Euphoric level.So,when the term 'Colitas' is used in the first stanza of the song Hotel California by the band Eagles,it refers to the buds of Cannabis.Some say that legend has its Satanism at the song's centre.The possible interpretation can be that of the denial to reach the complete state of bliss without the absence of pain,that in turn gives shape and definition to the world of Satan.So,when the phrase 'shimmering light' is used,we do not know if that is God twinkling for a second just to vanish,thereby symbolizing how far it is to reach him or the world of perfection-or is it Satan who loses his status of that of a bright angel to a dark figure.A journey from innocense to experience in other words,the pain of knowing reality as if the singer is questioning h...

Why do we do,what we should not?Confused?Even i am.Till date i have seen others and myself run away from their genuine feelings,in a way trying to escape reality.The modern phrase 'move on',is nothing but a roundabout way of saying-run and escape the reality.But does that really help?I run away today and i find that i have landed myself up in the same land.I will just narrate a small incident.It was in my school days and i don't exactly remember which class but then it happened that a teacher,(i won't name who?),had some problems and i knew well that she would require my help and i did not want to help her,so i just ran away from the place, to demand help from her,myself the next day.It could have been,like i run away and the next day she needs me again but instead of that,it was me who needed it and i was shameful for my action of the previous day of which she had no clue,because she did not see me in the first place but all i could do was reprimand my conscience insi...

So the process of my shifting from one place to the other started on Friday.With the help of Ratan da i was able to shift two heavy things-my suitcase and bedding.I gave him some money,cause that was necessary.Then came my turn.I had to shift single handedly by books,tool,toiletries and other things from my hostel.The process is not done yet.But doing all this,almost by myself was not easy.But i was happy to take the responsibility.So many things i learned in Kolkata.Right from my first year the phrase 'Survival of the fittest',seemed to echo inside my mind because of so many things that i had to face.I made uncountable mistakes,which i still do,get hurt,feel bad and learn.Obviously,there are things that arise almost everyday,to just piss me off.I wish people could forget the past and live in the present,live happily.And i so wish i could murder names for some never cease to linger.I wonder if people i care for will ever understand my predicaments.Contemplating on what is done,...

The time has finally arrived,sooner than i had expected.This Wednesday,i will be leaving my hostel.So last night,i went up to Chobi to give her the news.She just wanted to hear what i wrote about her.I translated it for her.She had moist eyes.Then she said that she might get married soon.I was so flabbergasted by this news.I went on lecturing her about how this is not correct and then she convinced me of how it is with them.I made a promise of not sharing her problems with anyone,so i will stick to it.Now something that happened to me yesterday while i was talking with her was,the other hostel boarders were staring at me while i was talking with Chobi.Now i do not get this.Is it wrong to talk with someone you are comfortable talking to.Why are people so class conscious?I know people who will secretly talk with people below social standards for they feel ashamed of it and when other people have the audacity to do so openly,they are pricked somewhere.I honestly don't care about what ...

Emotions spoil emotions and i am left untamed, My focus world shatters and i see a lot of fragmented evils- The happy storm inside me is stopped by the burden of morals, Yet to call it a burden would be to accuse my own feelings. Complex is what runs inside me with almost an expression outside, And what i fear is this explicit self coming alive. But that face,and that voice-but that kindness and that joy Which should i choose and what should i leave? One fades and comes back and the other remains silent and frank; Why was this suppose to happen?when the uncertain can't be certained And why do i still think of what i should not? and fear my will of what it should be- The tension and the conflict,can i really get away from it? Or am i confined to be forever lonely?

What is nostalgia?Last night right after I had my dinner and I came back to my room,it started raining cats and dogs.My roommate had to stay back at the dining room cause she forgot to take the umbrella with her and I became the owner of the room.I had that room all by myself for near about twenty minutes.I had a novel with me and all i wished for was a cup of coffee(yes,even after dinner) and a sound network and unfortunately i had none for otherwise this post would have come up yesterday night itself.But i had the novel and suddenly i was feeling the need to go to a proper place,any European country for that matter because of its scenic beauty,and to get into a small room of my own and write something good and remain in a trance for quite sometime with nothing but my books and him.And my need became so desperate which i could understand by the absence of such a bliss in my life.I was in a complete paradox.I was happy and sad.The smell of rain(that is how i would like to put it),seeme...

My last blog was full of errors and I had to edit and update it again.An 'unrevised paper is an unfinished paper',my teacher used to say.Indeed so.I never get the time to revise my answers in the exam hall and even when I get it I don't feel like revising.True that it is really hard to reach perfection all the time.But imperfections often give rise to the best of creations.For example,according to me the painting of 'Monalisa',is one of the most imperfect paintings yet that results to it being so famous.'Chaitanya'-the man behind the popularity of Vaishnavism,was so imperfect himself.Some people claim him to be a transgender as well.But I have never seen anyone as perfect as him to spread the language of love among all.Similarly Rituporno Ghosh,is one of those few Bengali directors,whose imperfection in his own life gave rise to some perfect movies to be forever admired in the history of cinema and world of film art.The drawings and other forms of art by the...

My cousin sister recently asked me a question.What is illusion?My answer to that was 'Everything is'.But she seemed not so satisfied with the answer for she wanted a proper discussion on 'maya'-the bengali translation of illusion.Well by now most of my readers know what I am going to write about today.To begin with I will just say that I have not read anything on this subject so far,so what I write about here is nothing but how I perceive this and hence it includes no big surprises and no jaw dropping incidents.In other words,this is going to be very normal.Magic has got illusion in it so the magicians are able to dupe us and similarly what we see is as well very much a part of illusion,so does 'God' dupe us?Well we don't know about it because God's very existence is a big puzzle and that too can be categorized as an illusion for the normal people like us have not seen him but still we believe in his miraculous powers and go on spending on him two three ...

The spinning wheels,remind me of a turmoil- Not long back did i see such a face of the unstoppable,unconquerable figure-the time: Not that i have come out of such a face of escapism, But the virtual period of relief is so much better... The coming back of desired God, Effects me as much as a pinch in the heart- But my present hinders my steps- My faithfulness towards it,again makes me so much better... A real virtual relief for this time. Well this was what i was doing when a boring lecture on an interesting topic made me sulk.The lecture was on Thomas Stearns Eliot and how i wish not to have attended the class but for the attendance.The results of my second year honours exam have also come out and i managed to score fairly well not overlooking the fact that it could have been better and definitely considering of how i have managed it in the midst of my hostel surroundings and ofcourse without a tuition.I am still surrounded by people having the worst predicaments ever.Bu...

That day i saw a labourer labour high up a ladder placed beside a huge building,without any support and i was so terrified by that sight that i started thinking of how blessed i was for not having to do so such a risky job so far in my life.Immediately after that a chain of thoughts followed where i was just thinking of so many other things for which i can consider myself blessed for example i am not one of those families who live on the pavements and try to find some shade when it rains heavily and this thought particularly came to me because i see such people on my way to my college almost everyday.Then i am not someone,a woman perhaps pregnant and then undergoing a miscarriage or a woman who is repeatedly raped by her husband or lover-'m blessed.I am not that bitch with three legs fit and one hit by a car and then unable to express that pain through words or a tree whose branches are cut down for other purposes and that still stands still.Not that someone who begs for food or mo...

I see so many weird people around me everyday and indeed it has become a very common and sorry sight for me to see that most of these people i meet are just so mean.I have been fortunate to meet some good people as well but i don't understand the working mechanism of some of them.They are so uneasy and so less confident about themselves.Like you see,i never had a tuition in my graduation so far and i do not bother to take one irrespective of what i score because i am genuinely interested in what i am stydying and i am not into this field for the sake of marks or with an ambition of cracking top exams and gettong a government job and now comes the fact.I never knew that Kolkata has tuition secrets as well.I mean people don't want to discuss anything about their tuitions because apparently they fear that what they know if known by others outside their tuition might cause these other people to score more than them.Characters as such remind me of a character from one of my favourit...