learning and growing

 Lately and coincidentally, people from different backgrounds and places, have been asking me if I am okay with being alone ? Some even ask me how do I manage it because they want such a lifestyle for themselves. While few others look at me with speculative eyes and think that I fake the happiness and the indifferent attitude, towards almost everything. (other than my career, of course)  Now! Do I like being alone all the time? Does it add to my loneliness? I like being alone. I think I am able to breath from a higher place of authentic energy as long as I am alone. I am creative. So I end up channelising my energy into creating something.Mostly it's my writing via which I express myself but all writings are not meant for my blog. I paint too. I absolutely like organising things. Now does it make me lonely? Yes, it does. There are times when I feel so, so lonely and the past comes back to haunt me in a million little ways. And surprisingly there is no way out. And so I allow m...

Yet another blog post after a long time. Hope my readers are doing well. I am always so full with work that when I get any free time, I spend it talking with my mom or just sleeping. Week days are all about preparations, deadlines and carrying out responsibilities. There is never an end to work. If one is efficient, work never piles up. But it does not end either. So what is today's post about? Insecurity. Where does it come from and how to get rid of it?  Insecurities are of the more common humanly attributes. And whether we accept it or not, we are all insecure with something or someone. What does the word really mean? It means that one is not confident enough to find that place of comfort in oneself such that it leads to and creates anxiety. And when does it happen? When we compare and see the better picture in front of us and often ponder why it's not meant for us? It can be related to a thing, person or an event. Say you see someone owning something that you long desire bu...

 I have no excuse to give this time. On the other hand, it's good to be back with my first post of 2024. But I am going to write about how I spent my winter vacation the previous year.  So I had ten days in hand. My health was not fine and I decided to rest for two days and then visit Kolkata and rest there in my uncle's house. However there was a sudden change in my plan for my aunt suggested a short trip to Mayapur. Being a Krishna devotee, I very happily accepted the plan. So we boarded Krishnanagar Express from Dum dum station early morning and then we boarded a ferry from Krishnanagar to Mayapur. We reached after one in the afternoon. It took us one more hour to find our accommodation because our trip was all suddenly planned. There were six of us and it took us some time to find a reasonable budget friendly and safe place to stay. Had we booked one of the 'bhavans' within the temple premises two months back, we could have enjoyed more. Nonetheless, it all went wel...

 As a child I used to take pride in the 50paisa coins or the one rupee coins that were given to me by my father and grandfather. I used to collect those coins and keep it inside a little purse that I got from a nearby shop in our locality. When the coins hit a certain mark, say rs30 Or rs40, I used to buy chocolates or toffees. It used to be my chief delight back when I was in class two and three.  Strangely, my grandfather ate most of those toffees that I used to buy. The ideal time for him to consume those toffees was in the afternoon when I used to take a nap. On such occasions after waking up from my afternoon nap all I could do was shout and cry. Haha. And my grandfather used to come and supplement the loss with more toffees.   I often think of it now a days and understand why my grandfather who could have bought the whole shop chose to steal those toffees that I bought. Later when I grew up all that he ever asked of me was " When will you be able to make a cup ...

 Durga Puja 2023 has come to an end and a 'Subho Bijoya' to all my readers. It has been a wonderful Durga Puja. I don't want to write in detail about all the five days of Puja and how I spent it because there is nothing new in the joy of pandal hopping, hanging out with friends and having good food. However, Saptami this year was special. Mother and I had a lovely time in a houseboat that we booked for a day in Mangaldhara Lodge, Barrackpore. Early morning, we set out for Barrackpore. We reached our SBSTC bus depot in City Centre, boarded a bus at 6:15 am in the morning and reached our destination at 1:00pm. It was our first time in Barrackpore.The check-in time was 12:00pm. After completing all the formalities we headed towards our houseboat. There were two houseboats placed one beside the other. We crossed the little bridge to move to the front area of the houseboat. From there we took a left and passed the common drawing room area and entered the narrow hallway of the ho...

During my time spent in Chhatarpur, I had developed a special affinity for the small tea stall that was located near our area of residence there. Mother and I visited the tea stall almost every evening. The owner of the tea stall could not speak in Hindi properly and spoke in their own Bundelkhand accent. My mom knew no Hindi and I too was not very fluent. But both mom and I bonded with the man, his wife and two daughters. I still wonder how they understood our language because my mother spoke in plain Bengali even if it was Hindi. Bengali readers will know what I am trying to say here. I started calling him 'Chacha' and during my last few days there, he promised my mother that he would readily come to my wedding to serve tea to the guests and would wait for the invitation eagerly. He blessed both my mother and me. I recalled this incident with a smile on my face yesterday evening while mother and I were chit-chatting over tea. I completed by B.Ed from a university there in Chh...

Ten years since 2013. The year when I stepped into my college. A new world, a new culture and a completely new environment with new faces. College felt numb and so did my P. G. Always thought of holidays, felt happier when got them. Three months at a stretch sometimes. Holidays always meant an escape to my hometown, to my family. Now it's my mother and me and the idea of hometown does not excite me anymore. It's just a place where I survive and try to thrive. There is no escape even when there are plenty of options. Think I already know what hell might feel like.  With a deeper understanding of life, universe and humans, my mind has almost given up on the human civilization ( not to forget I don't like the street dogs crying and howling at night and continuing with it for one hour to say the least. Cockroaches and flying cockroaches appearing from almost nowhere). Elders bless us with a long life but they always fail to mention a blessed, carefree long life. Who wants to li...