What should you do if you are hurting

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That phase in my life where I was not settled and was ready to unsettle and resettle all the time, I never realised it was me trying to escape from the reality. I always wanted to escape from what made me uncomfortable. Trust me, I did that for a long time till I could not do it anymore and ultimately when I faced it all, together, it was not easy. I was severely upset and was in my survival mode. Then something in me told me that the way I was feeling won't pass away till I dealt with it, faced it and came up with my own set of solutions. I did not have the mental courage but I started making small changes and taking small steps. 

At every point I just realized how badly hurt I was since 2017 and how much of it I faced pretending I was okay. The first small change that I made in my routine was to take care of myself. How did I do that? I started taking care of my hair and skin. To many of you it might sound awkward because many of you probably do it three times a day if not more ( no offense to anyone, but that is what friends and colleagues have shared with me about their skin and hair routine). I was not that woman surely. My hair was messy. I washed my skin with plain cold water a few times a day and that is it. I even cut my hair short to avoid taking care of it all the time or even braiding it before going to sleep at night. I changed that part of me who cared less. I started putting a gel on my face and combing my hair more often. Then gradually I promised myself to drink more water and eat healthy food ( healthier than what I was consuming). To make all these small changes a part of my daily routine was challenging because they did not become habits almost immediately. It took months. Three to be precise. 

I planted baby plants and that was my second step towards getting back my life together. I was trying to face life by accepting things and changing the little that I could, to make it okay and better. I watered the plants everyday and gave food to the birds while I watered the plants. Sadly my busy schedule does not permit me to water the plants or feed the birds everyday anymore. Nevertheless, it was definitely therapeutic back then and helped me regain my stability. I started writing my journal. I still make it a point to do it regularly. I never left book reading. Even during the darkest of times in my life I found solace in book reading. However, I made a little change. I promised myself to read more than what I usually read. So far, its been going good. I started taking small trips. Even a trip to the local market became an occasion for me and I tried giving my 102 percent there. How and what you might me thinking. You see, I am more of a stay at home- do your job kinda person. I love the cozy corner of my house over everything else. I used to feel too lazy to go out and run errands, unless it was something job oriented. I changed that part in me. I had to convince myself to make the move. My personality often goes against such a small goal even now but I am definitely doing better. So if your are hurting, I ask you to make these small changes. 

I  have made some grave mistakes in my life but those mistakes don't define me. I have realized that I made such mistakes when I was not my best self. I made those mistakes because I was escaping and I needed a quick relief. I made those mistakes because I am not perfect and that's okay. Those mistakes are a part of my life but they are not me and because of all these changes I have realized that I have that ability to be better. I faced my challenges and I took steps to come to solutions. If you are hurting, you too must chalk out a plan. Mistakes don't define you. Imperfection is real and we all are imperfect. My peace is more important to me than my ambition today. I am grateful to all that I have and that is how I would like to continue. I don't want to return back to my machine phase anymore. The biggest change that I made in my life was improving my prayer life. If you hurting, pray. Believe in God. Have faith. Don't give up. Things will eventually settle. Learn and grow. 


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